I'm Back...

 

 

Back to school and classes, only kinda weird. I mean to go from teaching everyday to being taught is a little different. I know I have gotten to the Senioritus point now, not like I didnt have it before, but now I am just really over classes and I just want to pass and be done. Still scared of this stupid Cognitive Psychology class, but hoping it goes well (fingers crossed). Everything else so far has been good. This winter term is going to be oddly different for me and I feel that already. I mean I might just have time do accomplish things and do something new. I have working out everyday almost in my schedule, work, class, and currently I have time for studying and stuff. We will see how much dance I have time for. This term is just full of possibility...but to be honest im not really making plans. I mean of course I am going to class and keeping a schedule with stuff, but I'm gonna try and live each day as it comes, adventures and all. Senior Meetings will be had, so will parties, but as long as I get to spend time with all my friends before we part ways this year will be one to remember.

Currently I am just trying to keep my head above water and suppress this stupid cold. I am trying to eat better and branch out in all directions. The frightening thing is just the fact that adulthood is right there...I can see it and I know I have to get my resume perfected and sent out in order to feel more at ease. I guess there is no breaks for me no matter how sick I may be and honestly if I wasn't running around like crazy I don't know if people would recognize me.
Hope you all have started the year and the term on the right foot!

I'm Stubborn

 

So after having an amazing lunch with my brother and an awesome friend I feel kinda off. I mean it was a really good talk and it made me think a lot about life and myself. I guess its just the feeling that has always bugged me...I mean the idea of being good enough for someone or just finding a person in general. What I basically got out of this conversation was that Mr. Right is out there some where and if your lucky you might find him right under your nose. I think my problem is that I keep looking, that and apparently I don't get out enough...lol. I mean I'm social I just don't always have the push to go at it alone.

The other thing that has me thinking is that I am easy to read. I mean to say that if I like you, you know it. I'm not really a hard to get type of girl. I give until it hurts and ask for nothing in return but time. I guess this makes me easy: easy to walk past, easy to use, and easy to hurt. I am one thing besides easy though, I am stubborn. I'm not use to boys chivalry because I am too busy proving to them that I am just as tough, just as strong, and I can do anything that they can. I am so stubborn when it comes to my strength and my feelings. Sometimes I say things I don't mean like "It's fine." because I'm so concerned about looking weak if I say it hurt or no I'm angry. Heck I am so stubborn when it comes to boys, some would even say blind. I don't give up on people and I don't give up on hope, like the hope of something more. I have been known to ask about how someone feels about me and in that moment that they say I am a really great friend all I want to do is cry, but I hold my ground and smile and say ok cool. Its hard to trust people and let people in and watch that hope fall through the cracks. I can love somebody with all my heart, and I have and I would, but it doesn't mean they will love me back. Today I guess I just questioned my approach. Maybe I am too nice or give too much. Maybe I fall for the wrong ones or have too much hope. But that's me and as hard as it is to deal with I wouldn't change it. I love my heart and I love making people happy. Whether it is a friends birthday or grandmas Christmas gift I love seeing their faces smiling because of something I did or said. I figure I will get stepped on and used till the end. It will hurt and kill me but I'm a giver and a lover and fighter all wrapped in one. You better be certain that I will fight for what I love no matter what because I am stubborn and when I trust you and give my heart to you as a friend or more that love is real to me and worth fighting for. Here's Hoping I find someone who is willing to fight for me!

A Wise Guy Said...(Part 2)

A Wise guy once said that...well he said a lot of things and I can't possibly share them all. Mind you this wise guy occasionally has some less wise moments so he could really be called the occasional wise guy, but that just doesn't have the same ring to it...but I have sidetracked myself.

This wise guy said something that has made me think, "You have to make time."

Hmmm, make time you say....make time for what? "Anything, if you want it bad enough you will make time."

I see and this works for you? "I'm working on it." lol

Ok but seriously he has a point. If you want something bad enough you have to make time, no excuses. If you want to loose weight or work out you have to make time to do it. If you want to learn or do something new you have to make time. Heck if you want someone to be your friend you have to make time for them in your life. Life is really about time and how we spend it. We can be glued to a tv of a computer screen or we can get out and do things. We can do things for others or solely for ourselves. Think for a minute about your day and how you choose to waste it or use it, if you use more then you waste then I would say your doing good. But what does waste really mean? Heck I might waste time watching tv instead of being productive or making time for something more important, but other times watching tv is not a waste but instead a moment to unwind and breath. Waste and use are just terms that can change depending on the situation. Regardless, we all have to learn that time is precious and we need to make time. Sometime that means slow down and breath, give back to others, or do something for ourselves. In my case I need to make time for myself, in my friends case he needs to make time for others. It just depends.

I just thought I would share this with you before the new year. You might want to start realizing what you need to make time for in your life and start the new year on the right foot.

I Open at the Close

That Awkward Moment when you realize that as ready as you are to start the new year your scared of the future.

I mean you can't blame a girl right? This is a start of a new year in a couple days. People gather among family and friends, watch a ball drop, drink, kiss, or just make some noise to ring in a new year at midnight. In that moment everything is suppose to change, your world starts over, your ledger is wiped clean in an instant and its your choice to decide what you will do in the coming year. Will you change for the better? Will you take a new path? Accomplish a new goal? Or will you just push on with the same old song? So many choices and decisions...funny how on New Years we see them all.

Ahead of me I see goals and dreams I want to set into motion like working out more and loosing more weight, choreographing a piece or two, take an art class , and just enjoy the last year I have here among my friends the best way I know how. But even though I see the beginning of something great, my last who rah with everyone, there is a lingering sense of fear, maybe more so nerves. I'm nervous about the close of this chapter and the start of a new. I have a realm of the unknown waiting for me after graduation which is both exciting and nerve recking. I am free to choose my own path and my own future, figuring out where I might end up and who might be with me. Yet, there is trepidation in the fact that I don't know if I will choose the right path, find the right home, and find my way in a place I have never found myself before. There is comfort in knowing most of my friends are on the same path, but we are all on our own in the end. I have confidence in that I have done well, so I can do well, I can be a good teacher, but will someone else see that I am not sure. I know that I want to be fearless this year and just be as gutsy as I can be, fight for my independence and break away if I can. I want to go places and meet people, heck this girl might even fall in love...but no matter what happens I just want to live. I always try to live life with no regrets. That means fighting for what I believe in, who I believe in, doing things that are new, different, fun, following my heart, and just being me. I will stumble and fall and make a fool of myself, but I won't regret it. No matter the consequences, good or bad, I will have learned and lived something that I hadn't before. Here's Hoping you Live this year too!