Returning Home!

Welcome Back! lol
I feel like I have been away for quite a while and I am returning stronger then ever. There is a weird feeling in the air knowing that I only have 3 months or so left until this chapter of my life ends and another, bigger chapter begins. I can't lie, I'm scared....but this is not the time for that talk. I have 3 months that are going to be the most amazing and fun times yet. This term is one in which I am taking a class or two...but seriously I will be in school. More importantly I am dancing my heart out and ending the year with my passion. I have 3 dances that made it into the CW show and (fingers crossed) I will be choreographing and dancing in Terp. Yep...why am I making commitments? lol I expect to see my roommates napping while I'm running from one practice to the next...but I guess its worth it and I don't like sitting still long anyways. This term should be amazing so long as the weather gets better. Not to mention Flunk Day is around the corner so you never know what might happen. I guess I'm finally ready to make good and be happy, enjoy the time I got. So if I'm not smiling this term its probably cuz I'm tired because mark my words this girl isn't going to frown. There is too much good in front of me that I can't ignore nor would I want to. Here's Hoping this term is as amazing as I wish it to be!

Destined

Some people are destined for greatness while others are destined to do great things. I feel like I am destined to be a fighter. I never had it easy and I don't think I ever will. I watch people have an easy time or get what they want while I struggle to get by. The struggle makes us stronger they say, well I should be winning strong men competitions by now in that case. I wish some days things would get easier and maybe go my way, but I know that that isn't my destiny. I have a lot on my plate the next month or so with applying for jobs, finishing classes, and figuring out where I want to start my life. Clearly, I'm just a little stressed...lol. I guess the idea of actually starting completely fresh can scare someone even as strong as me. With that said, I know that I have to be strong and be the fighter I have always been to get what I want...in this case a job. I'm a woman with knowledge and ambition regardless of what disappointment comes I have to keep fighting because someone will eventually recognize that right? I mean we can only hope because I have no clue what my future holds for me. There is no certainty in life and as scary as that is it only makes me want to fight harder. No one is going to fight for me, I already know that, plus making it easy wouldn't make a difference in the end. Easy wouldn't make all this worth it or make me the fighter that I am. So my destiny is different than most, but still one that I rise to follow. I am a fighter no matter what and I will keep fighting for what I want, what I deserve, and those I love till the end. It may be stressful and frustrating at times, but with a little patience there might be something beautiful waiting for this fighter in the end. Here's Hoping!!!

Serenity Falling

When all else fails pray for serenity.

We can't win every battle and some of us can't win any, but truth be told the fighting is what makes us truly powerful. I recently felt like I have been fighting a loosing battle with life and what it decides to throw at me. I am blessed in ways, but been thrown to the sharks in others. In a funny way I am doing better, but better is still not fulfilling any sort of stability in my life. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places or hanging with the wrong people, but I am finding myself questioning friendships and choices I never found reason to before. Life has been playing ball with me for years, throwing curve balls when you least expect them and watching me work so hard just to strike out. I just question when my work will really matter, when all this good will be given a fair fight, a fair chance. I'm not sure when or where life will give me a chance, but until then I am Serenity Falling.
What does this mean? Well me having faith and knowing the serenity prayer that asks for wisdom to know the difference between what I can and can't change in my life is falling. This guidance and belief that serenity calms me is disappearing with the constant acceptance of striking out, of loosing people, of lack of trust. I'm not going to sit here and say that I have no good moments, truth is that I am blessed to have moments I would never take back, but at the same time I am struggling with accepting the same things constantly. That constant acceptance and idea of serenity with these things is making me jaded and numb. When you don't see anyway out or any change over time is there really going to be much hope of it getting better? My serenity is falling away in certain areas of my life. When you have dealt with so much bad, where is the good? Mind you this fall is not affecting the other layers, the parts of me that I strive to improve everyday and the people that I am blessed to call true friends and family. I am still a passionate person who is dancing her heart out and keeping her nose in the books. Yet, there is this feeling of peace being overshadowed that just gets to me time and time again. Here's Hoping Serenity stays around a little longer!

Priorities

 

 

The idea of priorities is something a college student struggles with daily. I personally am trying to figure out mine. I mean I am a student so yes classes and work are priorities, but what else. In my own way I guess I am making myself a priority. I am taking the rest of this year and watching my diet and working out till I bleed. Why? you may ask...because being healthy, feeling healthy, and loosing weight makes me happy. If anything I know being happy is what I need to focus on and make a priority. I just need to do what I can and be happy because in the end there is no one who is going to care about me like I should. I need to find peace and just be a lone soldier on the path to make myself a priority.

On another note the quote above means so much to me because it makes sense. I guess I live my life by the golden rule and in my mind I do for others because I would hope they would be there for me if I ever needed. I guess one thing I have learned is that its not always the case...honestly it rarely is. Yet, I still have this unwavering faith that this person might be different, that this time someone might make time for me. I can not make people care, I can't make people want to give, and I can't make people see. I am far from perfect and I am not one to judge. I guess I just hope for something more in life and with those I surround myself with. I don't think I will ever loose my faith and hope, I'm not sure I would ever want to....but I know that as tired as I am waiting for someone to be there and make time I will never not be there for those I hold close. You have to be the change you wish to see in the world as Gandhi said and I want people to not be afraid to trust. I want people to not be afraid to give of themselves, give of there time. As much as I need to be selfish I think being selfish is at times second to giving back. That's my opinion and your don't have to agree, but here's hoping it makes you think about your priorities as I'm constantly reevaluating mine.