Looking Back

Ok, so I so happened to look through a yearbook today and let me tell you 2 things: 1) I don't miss high school. & 2)Time gives you a different perspective....if you doubt any of this I dare you to look back at your own yearbook, you might be surprised. I know that when I looked at it I realized how at the time you are so focused on everything surrounding high school: relationships, class, reputation, activities, friends, cliques, how you dress...all these things make up your world in these 4 years and you feel like you are being judged on all these things. You are in this high school bubble that you really don't grow out of till you graduate. Some people don't really grow out of that in college either, depending how they choose to act. I know that I was wrapped up in the high school bubble and didn't see the outside possibilities. I was given limited freedom in high school and college was just a whole different experience. I remember high school being a place of either great highs or epic lows, no middle ground really. I had friends and boyfriends, but I look back and wished I did somethings different. Not getting hung up on a boy who didn't deserve my attention for one and making more close friends would have been a start. I can't go back now though, I can only go forward. I started off college trying to fit, but I realized quickly I just have to be me. But who am I? In high school all I ever tried to be was the good friend, I never really looked at myself. College aloud me, almost forced me, to figure out who I am...mind you I am still working on it, but I have a direction. One thing I know now is there are gonna be people who dislike me and I am going to dislike certain people because of my personal thoughts, feelings, and values. Its gonna happen, but at least I am standing up for myself and for something instead of falling for everything (yes I stole that quote,but it fit perfectly). I am finding myself and trying to better myself as a whole person now. Finding true friends and people I connect to more so then I did before. High School is like another world to me now. I know some people look back and think of high school as this amazing time, but to me it was just a step. The amazing times are still to come, high school isn't my peak. I am looking up and out, I am optimistic!

Lost in Summer

Ok so....to catch up I made it through the peer teaching with an A-...Yay!!! I also almost failed out of a class...Yay :(    IDK, I had a hard time with a ten page paper which I hope I fixed and worked on enough to raise my grade. I still don't know my grades, but it might take another week before I know anything. O well, all I can do is hope I did well and push forward. Currently I am clustered in a house, surrounded by "stuff". There really is no other way to put it, there is my stuff that I need to put away, but part of me feels like it is pointless considering in 3 months I am gone again. Once again I am prone to cleaning this house and making things nice, yet part of me really wants to be adventurous this summer. I might actually go to the taste for once in my life, ride the train for the second time, and be crazy. I have all these big dreams and crazy notions. I just want to experience life!!!

So here I am lost in summer! I have no clue where this summer may take me or who might even be on the journey with me, but I know I need to roll down the windows, go places I have never been, and find me. Yet, I know when im home I will be cleaning, working on sorority stuff, and reading (if I get a chance after the first two)...o and btw I need to work out. All the Things!!!! Heres hoping I gain something from this summer and maintain my sanity!

Back in Action

Back to school and back to work. I have been at school for two days and I already have so much to do. I have been to all my classes and even started back working. My schedule is really crazy and I am pretty much gonna be filled with work considering I am taking reading and writing intensive classes. I like them all though which helps, but it doesn't take the pressure off. Working early mornings is not bad...just the getting up part. I made it through with hot chocolate in hand. I am hopefully gonna make it through my classes and get all the work done...even if it kills me. I actually am happy to report that I will have an internship soon at the preschool in town....I am sooooooooo excited. Another reason to wake up at 8am YAY!!! LOL I am excited though...I will just be more excited when the weekend comes so I can waste the day reading my school books and enjoying a comfy bed. So until then I have things to do, homework to finish, books to read, and exercises to do...oh how the time flies when you are having fun. Well here's hoping I make it to the weekend!

Finals

Long Time No See...but with good reason. So much has happened to me from dance show to finals. I am lucky to say that I hopefully will have an internship next term at the preschool I love working at. I am also over the hardest part of my finals: essays. I am sooooooo excited to go home and see my family and my friends who I miss so much. Get back to the place of amazing food, especially now that Thanksgiving is coming up.
Not to say I haven't struggled this term, but I know I will come back stronger then ever. The great thing about college is understanding that every bad consequence is a lesson learned. We live and we learn. Going with the punches is part of being an adult, when things change you have to figure out the best way to live with it.
I have decided to add tips, other people's thoughts and opinions, and fun stuff to the blog. I mean not everyone wants to read about my soap opera of a life. I have also added a poll to find out what people want to read to answer that on the right side of the screen. Also, don't be afraid to leave comments and let me know what you want to read, give me your opinion on something, or even ask me a question!!!
TIPs:

1. Plan out finals week so you spend the right amount of time on everything.


2. Work in an environment that isn't distracting. I myself have a problem with this one because I am the distraction in my environment :P


3. Always make time to say goodbye to friends, after all they are the people you hang out with the most while you are at college.

As for my "Kewl" item: Master Stir Fry is a restaurant that was recently opened near my college, probably one of the best Chinese buffets I have been to. It has everything and yet it is still very cheap, especially for lunch (only $5.99...I know right). It has lots of options and is really yummy if you are hungry. Run Don't Walk!!!! Go Now!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Just Keep Going

So nothing much is going on in my world besides homework and all the other stuff that keeps me busy. I honestly am content at the moment. I do have a paper due Tues.though :/

Halloween is coming up which I am really excited about, since it is my favorite holiday! I am dressing up as a cute cop hopefully! This will be a fun weekend! Plus I am going out to a new restaurant with a group of friends!!!

In other thoughts I realize how much it sucks to loose contact with those friends you really cared about. It seems sometimes fall outs are the cause of it. Fights sometimes start and get out of hand and sometimes its good because you get rid of the people who are holding you back. Other times you loose people who are good friends that you trusted. Another thing I notice is that people move on and forget. Forget about people and loose touch with those people who were there for them through a lot of bad times. It sucks for me because I feel as though I have lost friends do to these things. I have no clue as how to change it or even if I should...

Homecoming

So this past week was Homecoming. It wasn't too bad. I spent most of the time working on homework or working with my sorority. I really liked one thing about this weekend, seeing all the alumni come back was fun and made me happy. I like knowing I am apart of a huge community and that one day that will be me.
In other news I'm working on a magazine spread for Graphic Design. It is looking nice so far and I'm having fun...even though half the time I don't know what I am doing. I'm excited to help out 2morrow at the Preschools Halloween party!!! I have also picked my classes for next term and I am hoping I don't get closed out. I am hopefully declaring my major shortly so everything should be alright, but you never know. I am a very boring person beyond that sadly. I am still busy and running around, maybe I will have more exciting news to come. Here's Hoping!

Another Crazy Weekend

Parents Weekend went well I think. Spent all of Sat and some of Sunday with my parents. I tried to focus on good stuff and having fun. Next time I might take them to Lake Story or Green Oaks for a change of pace. I really do miss them a lot when they leave, if it wasn't for the crazy life i have that keeps me busy I would be home sick a lot more. I always get excited when they come and I want to show them everything and tell them so much but I always forget things. I think what I try to do is make sure its a great visit because they are coming all this way to see me and I don't want to disappoint. I am happy to have gotten jeans, real food, and a drying rack! Can't wait to come home!!!
In other news I am running on straight sugar I think because I was up all night writing a paper. I hope it came out ok, but I won't know for a while. In the meantime I have so many mini-personal projects to get done as well as homework I had to put off because of the paper. I have dance tonight and Alpha Sigma Alpha stuff, so much to do so little time. At least I don't really have a paper due till tues :/
Honestly if I didn't have volunteering at the preschool I would go insane. It really is the calming points in my week, crazy that 3 year olds can do that but they really make me smile and appreciate the small things. Another busy week but I will survive...as long as I get sleep!!!

Running Around

This week is crazy with so much to do and so little time. I have commitments like classes, work, volunteering and dance, but Studying needs to be done too. It drives me crazy trying to work everything out. My parents are coming this weekend which is exciting and I have basically set aside Saturday just for them. I just really need to focus and get things done with all the free time I have, which isn't much. On a lighter note I am in love with volunteering! I love the kids I hang out with at the preschool and I will fight tooth and nail for that internship! Good Luck to me! Any who back to work and using free time :/

Caught in the Middle With Them...

I am constantly at odds with myself. Constantly at a crossroads unsure of which way to go. I never am 100% sure of myself and it drives me and others crazy. This goes out to those I might hurt because of my lack of decision making skills. Eventually, I will figure these things out and hopefully it won't end with me losing my sanity or my friendships. I am struggling with handling so many things at once and trying not to make choices that will end in serious turmoil. For one, my major is in the balance and I am not sure if I want to be an elementary or a secondary teacher. Big decisions like who to hangout with during my free time hurt me because I am busy all the time. I want to chill with everyone, but sometimes it is just really hard. Last but not least romantics don't avoid me. To have a heart in itself is a painful thing. My mind and heart wander constantly to people who are in my life. I guess it goes to the idea of wanting to be loved, but to find the right person is hard. I don't know what I need yet and I don't know if anyone around me fits the bill. Maybe clarity will invade my life with its goodness.....maybe

Been Here Forever...

So....its Friday!!! Yay! But still got stuff to do. Mainly a personal education narrative (basically me talking about my school life, teachers and such). It sounds easy right...but I have a problem with papers I never know how to start them. Its kinda intimidating walking up to a paper...its kinda like a guy...I don't know what to say. Once I start talking/ writing its pretty easy, but the beginning is so intimidating because its like first impression. If you suck now you will suck forever in the readers eyes. So instead of writing I avoid it til I can't...which I am doing right now :)
In other news: Might go vegetarian...kinda failed at it last year, but I feel like if I slowly move towards it won't be so bad. So I am slowly cutting out meat and have been thinking of other options. Another goal of mine is to try most of the cereals at the Caf. I have the ability to try them and maybe I will find some I like more then Cinnamon Toast Crunch...probably not. I might go work at the garden tomorrow, which in all honesty I am kinda excited about. I also really want to go to Cornucopia and buy some food. After trying some of the cookies at the KARES meeting I really would like a box of my own....lol. I know I am not a super green person, but i want to learn and I am trying. Also, I will start volunteering next week at the preschool which is exciting and nerve recking all at once. My hope is that it goes well :/
Today I have just been going to class. I got paid today which is nice. It pretty much covered the clothes I bought myself for my birthday. I got a little homework done. Later I might go to Target to get a few things and just walk around...now I sound like my father...lol. Any who it might be a tame night after all. I am sure there are parties and stuff going on that I may or may not attend. I will just have to feel it out.
That's all for now, back to my loathsome paper.

My Birthday!!!!!

I have to admit this day was pretty awesome even if I did have to work and go to class. I have to send a shout out to all my family in friends who really made it such an amazing day. The constant phone calls and "Happy Birthday" wall posts on Facebook really made my day. It was just a great feeling knowing that people care and I have sooooooo many friends and family who haven't forgotten me.
The day started out like any other...two crazy suite mates to happy to go to bed being random in my room, but I love them dearly. Let the record show they were the first to tell me happy birthday today. Then this randomness was followed by an assortment of 8 or so ex-Raubers in my room singing me happy birthday and asking me to blow out candles that were not lit. I did so and ate the brownies that laid below them. I LOVE my random friends and was happily shocked that they would all come over to do this for me. It really meant a lot and I swear I was going to cry. I got cards from family on this historic day as well as a lovely set of speakers by my dear friend Abe. Justin got me a card and a beautiful pair of earrings. David made me sculpture, while my lovely Ruby Claudia made me a cake! Everyone else gave me...i am gonna be corny...the gift of friendship, which is the best gift of all....lots of corny...lol. I love every single gift no matter how small and I can't explain how amazing it feels to just know people care.
As for the day i went to class and slowly nodded off...not on purpose it just kinda happened and i feel terrible about it. The teacher just rambled on and he talked about the same stuff over and over again. Anyways I went to work which was pretty easy and then enjoyed some down time. I showed my graphic design project to the TA of my class who seemed to think it was alright and around 9pm I went to dance. Dance News...I am doing Hip hop...Excited!!!!....that is all. LOL
I am so close to Friday I can taste it. I can't wait til it is here. In the mean time I am gonna do some reading, watch tv, and maybe order a pizza. Night All!!! Thanks Again!!!

I AM 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Counting Hours

Hours before my Birthday and I am not really excited. I am happy to be turning 20 but tomorrow is nothing special, just another busy day where I am going to class, work, then dance practice. I wish it was more then that but I am constantly busy running around, not that I think a lot of people would want to help me celebrate :(
Beyond that I am trying to maintain my sanity and get stuff done. Homework is clearly top priority, but I have things with clubs and my sorority that sometimes make me feel overwhelmed. I haven't drowned yet, nor do I plan on it. I am sooooooo excited to see my parents on parents weekend in two weeks!!!!! I miss them so much and not to mention I need stuff...lol Regardless I can't wait to have a break and sit and eat with my family and get my head out of the Knox water that continues to get higher as time goes on. I have gotten one card from my grandmother and it was a great reminder that people at home miss me and still care. I know its just another reminder to do my best and that I am here at Knox for a reason. I have to succeed here...there is no other reality.

Crazy World

Back to life...been busy, but i am always busy so basically nothing has changed. Had an amazing weekend that consisted of partying and bonding with my suite mates. I had sooooooooooo much fun and I really feel like I have some new amazing friends. For the party "Anything But Clothes" I dressed in a dress and wrapped myself firmly in duck tape, I must say a great idea, but it kept me pretty hot. My friend dressed in a blues clues sleeping bag and he grabed 3rd place costume wise. I must say Bravo!
Sunday was homework day followed by a soroity meeting. I am happy to say that it went well but I still feel pretty lost since I am not a full member yet and I don't know everything that I feel I am suppose to. I am the type a person that will do what I need to if I know what that is. I am just trying to go with the flow till then.
Today was just doing homework, went to class, and have began to work on my to do list. I have a lot a little things to do that will keep me busy, but im sure it will get done. Still working on my life and figuring stuff out...not to mention I am excited for my Birthday in 2 days!!!!!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Yesterday I was so busy! I had class, work, soccer game, and try outs. Some how even though I was feeling sick I made it through. My first day on the job went great and again today I think I have the hang of it. Yet...the scary credit card is a difficult process I have yet to learn fully. Thank goodness people don't use them as much. As for try outs last night I think it went well. I know I got cast for one dance, but I still feel like people don't see a dancer when they look at me. Its hard knowing I have to start all over and people doubt I am any good just because of a couple of 8 counts. :( Oh well!
Today has been going alright. I have been trying to get some work done and figure out my theme for my collage I am working on tonight. I have ideas, but I don't know if they are good enough. I also am nervous because I feel pressure to turn out something great and I want to do well...this is art after all and I love art. I have to get well so I can party this weekend and really relax. Here is hoping!!!

Sick and Tired

One thing that gets me about school is that with out fail I get sick. Today I woke up with either allergies or a cold, I am not sure which. I ended up being a slug all day. I took medicine and a nap, but with out fail my body still refuses to be nice. My hope is that by tomorrow I will be fine. Tomorrow is such a busy day with class, dance tryouts, my job, and the soccer game I am gonna need all the energy that I have to make it through. I am jus soooooooo busy this term it might make me go crazy. I have to admit though being busy is better then just sitting around, at least for me that is.
On a different note, I had a talk with a friend last night and came to a few realizations. 1.Nothing is truely perfect, even if it seems to be so. 2. The person you are ment to be with is never perfect. 3. Mistakes will happen until you grow and learn from them. 4.You might not know something is a mistake until later when looking back. 5. Even though you might not get what you want right now, your reward might be in the future. Here is hoping!!!

New Year New Start

Starting a new year is empowering because you know you have a year under your belt. I have met so many new people so far and its only 2 weeks or so in for me. I am more involved which I am super proud of. Being involved helps so much with being in college, because you meet so many more people and it keeps you busy. When things get slow thats when I get sad, feel lonley, or make bad choices. So far things are going in the right direction: I have a job (4 hours a week), Volunteering at the preschool (4 hours a week), plus classes, terp (dance), and ASA (sorority). I am happy to say I am getting things right this year!!! Now all I need to do is talk more in class :/

So today I get ahead in my studies and get ready for my 3 hour class 2morrow night. Its just a beautiful day!!!!!