Saturday, January 8, 2011

So here is my story...take it as you will

***Tell Me What You Think!!!

To Lose Everything and Still Remain Strong

By: Megan Lee

To Love is to be lost in a dream. To be lost in a place where everything is serene and they can’t see the pain and drama sprouting around them. I have felt the most amazing love and the most amazing pain in the entire world at such a young age, not by choice, but by destiny. To love is to lose control, to throw out reason and logic and accept the path one’s heart has decided to travel. The problem I have encountered with such love is that it is followed by such pain; pain that causes ever flowing tears until one can’t cry any more because they are all dried up. My first love has put me through such emotions, but yet I know in the end I have no regrets, for without going through all the ups and downs I would have never found out how strong I really am.

I look back and see all the good times, all the moments that I could never forget, even if I tried. I recall the first kiss and how I could have lit up a room with all the joy and bashfulness that flowed through me. I remember the phone calls that would last forever and end with, “I love you.” The little things like walking me home, holding me tight, and kissing me goodnight are the things that I will walk away with but still hold close to my heart. After having nine months of such joy and rapture, to be caught up in love and to have it all taken away made it hard for me to understand and accept. No matter how hard a breakup is said to be, no one can understand unless they themselves have gone through it. I personally didn’t see it coming, for the relationship was going so well and there didn’t seem to be a problem in sight.

I remember the day vividly, the day when he broke my heart. I came to school with a smile on my face and love in my heart, love for one boy. He met me at my locker as usual and we talked about some funny things that happened to us. His smile was so big and white I couldn’t help but smile too. He hugged me and we went to class. I never thought from the morning that we had that my own personal heaven was going to end. I continued through the day like any other, I went from class to class, stopping at his locker every once in a while up until lunch. At lunch I sat next to him like I did everyday and joked around with him, the stupid kind of jokes that only we would find humor in. I couldn’t tell what was coming, for he acted just like he did every other day we were together. He was very laid back, caring, but still a boy in that he made jokes and played around. These traits made me fall in love with him to begin with and to think I was so blinded by love that I couldn’t see what was in store for me. Nonetheless, after lunch we talked by the lockers and he gave me a kiss before we proceeded to enrichment. Every time he kissed me I couldn’t help but light up, glow from the inside out as it were. He could always put a smile on my face and make me feel gorgeous even if I looked terrible. I remember smiling as I went to class, so naive to the thought that he still loved me; that he still cared.

The day went on as usual with no definite sign of the pain that would befall upon me, not that I was looking for one. When the end of the day finally came he pulled me away to the side, at the bottom of the stair when no one else was around. I figured he was going to sneak a kiss before going home, but how wrong I came to be. He looked in my eyes and I couldn’t look away. His big, beautiful brown eyes sucked me in and I knew nothing good would come from what ever he had to say to me. He said the words that left me dumbfounded, “I think that we should breakup.” In one instance these words shattered my heart and brought me to tears. I couldn’t understand how one moment everything could be fine and the next everything that we had was destroyed. The tears ran down my face as fast as my eyes could make new ones. I was at a loss for words, but my thoughts overwhelmed me. I couldn’t grasp what reasons he may have for such a drastic decision. Through my tears, I begged him for an answer. The reasons he gave didn’t make sense; they seemed so trivial, but yet who am I to argue? The pain and anger overwhelmed me and out of spite I gave him his ring back - the ring he gave me on our six-month anniversary, which in a way was a promise ring. He promised me he would never drop me; never let me go. Well he broke his promise and ended up dropping me quite hard. I figured if I gave him the ring back he would realize what a mistake he made and change his mind. Instead he just walked away and didn’t look back. The next day I saw no emotion in his face as if I mattered very little to him, as if my presence wasn’t missed.

My tears trailed on for a couple of weeks, but then I was all cried out. I had no more tears to cry for him or for me. After the tears were gone all I had was myself. I had to do what I feared; I had to stand-alone and look at myself. I hate being alone and having to look inside myself because I am my own worse critic. Without him there giving me complements I felt ugly and unimportant. It took sometime, but eventually I could face myself and see my inner beauty. I realized that to have a boyfriend is a great thing, but no boy defines me. More importantly, I am an independent, strong woman who can stand tall with respect for myself. I don’t regret my time with him in the least because he was a great guy and he treated me like a princess. I will never forget the good times we shared and thinking about them now brings a smile to my face. The heartache I went through was only an obstacle that I had to overcome in order to grow as a stronger person. With out heartache one does not know what true love is, the love of one’s self.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Back in Action

Back to school and back to work. I have been at school for two days and I already have so much to do. I have been to all my classes and even started back working. My schedule is really crazy and I am pretty much gonna be filled with work considering I am taking reading and writing intensive classes. I like them all though which helps, but it doesn't take the pressure off. Working early mornings is not bad...just the getting up part. I made it through with hot chocolate in hand. I am hopefully gonna make it through my classes and get all the work done...even if it kills me. I actually am happy to report that I will have an internship soon at the preschool in town....I am sooooooooo excited. Another reason to wake up at 8am YAY!!! LOL I am excited though...I will just be more excited when the weekend comes so I can waste the day reading my school books and enjoying a comfy bed. So until then I have things to do, homework to finish, books to read, and exercises to do...oh how the time flies when you are having fun. Well here's hoping I make it to the weekend!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year!!!

Brand new year and a brand new start. A chance for me to get things right with myself and with others. I plan on doing what I have been doing with work, school, and my activities while trying to make myself better. I want to be happy with how I look and keep my energy level up. So here comes the hard part for me...I have to eat better and workout this term. I know I can do it, but its just that I have to keep my motivation up with all the other things going on. My life is such a balancing act and no matter what I do something is gonna fall, but I just have to make sure to pick it up again. I know that prior I dropped some of my friends, meaning I didn't spend a lot of time with them. My hope is that I some how manage to hang out with everyone and still work, volunteer, and get school work done. I think I can do it as long as I stay organized and energized. On a sadder note I leave for school tomorrow. I am excited to get back, but I know I am gonna miss my family and my friends. I just started to get relax at home and having fun and now I have to go back. Well I will be back in March for a week which will be fun I'm sure. Until then studying, reading, and working seem to be a large part of my life. Here's hoping that this new year brings happiness and amazing new changes!