I'm a girl just trying to deal with college life and find myself on the way. This is my story and the advice I have for others who may be on the same path.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Poetry In Motion
"You might get lost in the rhythm, you might get lost in the rhyme, but if you keep the flow your passion will never die."-me
I know it sounds crazy and almost weird, but just in the past hour everything is coming together for me. I'm falling into place and finding some comfort with everything (not sure how long it will last, but...yea lol). I am feeling my life right now is poetry in motion.
Let me break it down: The way I see it, sometimes you can get into the rhythm, feeling yourself when reading or reciting poetry, but when you write it sometimes it is so hard to get started. For me when its something I haven't done in a while or never done at all it is even more pressure and fear. Once you get past the starting gate though the words just come to life and they flow off the page.
Currently my life has been like that, I have all these fears with starting all these new things: choreographing, dancing, writing lessons, teaching. I mean there is just a lot going on and I have been feeling so overwhelmed. So overwhelmed in fact that I have been questioning what I am doing and if it is really for me. I want to do well not just for me, but so many other people in my life in one way or another, so I figure that's where the fear comes from. I fear that I am making the wrong decisions and in turn going to let people down. My life has been through more ups and downs then one can imagine. I keep all the crazy tailored back so know one can see it or realize how much of a mess I am. I am trying to be strong and deal with all this fear and frustration.
Yet, I found peace today...I danced my hardest and felt amazing. Yes, I need practice and get it down more before saturday, but you know what...that's life. Dance is my poetry. I may pick up on most the steps and fear the ones I can't remember or don't have down perfectly, but that's what practice is for. I am on a practice cycle with life right now. I am learning how to be a teacher and I won't be perfect, same thing with choreographing...I'm gonna learn and get better. The poem isn't over it is still being written, I'm feeling it out and trying to find the right words.
Here's Hoping I remember this and don't freak out!
Monday, March 19, 2012
End of Rapunzel's Spring Break
So this is my last day of Spring Break. Tomorrow I drive back to school and waste time till Wednesday when class starts and life begins. Its funny how when you first go to college how everything is a challenge, heck even making it to that point is stressful. You feel like you are just not even smart enough to be there and you keep making baby steps term by term. Every class feels harder then the one before it and then you get to this point in your junior year...I realize now how far I have come and how much further I still need to go. Becoming an adult is right there, not only can I see it I know it scares the crap out of me. All I want to do is run, but I know that I won't...I know what is expected of me in the next year or so and I have a lot of things to do and people to take care of. I can't back down now.
Yet, what I wanted this break that I still haven't found is freedom. I crave the freedom to do what I want, to have fun, to have adventure. The closest I get to this feeling is when I am at school. I have the freedom to make choices and define my life. I get to go out and hang out with friends with out feeling pressured to be home and take care of people. Its funny how when you are away from home you miss your family, but when you come home you remember why you don't want to stay. At home there is nothing to do, no one to really see, but all the responsibility and headaches that come with my family. Don't get me wrong I LOVE them to pieces, but sometimes you need some stress relief, some fun. Sadly, there is nothing to do and no where to go, call me Rapunzel locked in a tower. Imprisoned by a protective family and responsibility to all. Here's Hoping It Gets Better!!!
Labels:
adventure,
family,
freedom,
responsibility,
spring break
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Love Fell Out With Me...
"Falling in Love with Love is falling for make-believe!
Falling in Love with Love is playing the fool!
Caring too much is such a juvenile fancy!
Learning to trust is just for children in school.
I fell in Love with Love one night when the moon was full
I was unwise with eyes unable to see!
I fell in Love with Love with love ever-lasting.
But Love fell out, with me!!! "
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