Going Back

I only have a few more days till I go back to school. Not really looking forward to the work, but I can't wait to see all the people. I am having a slight problem packing right now...I believe I have way to many clothes...lol. I really don't want to bring too much back with me, but I feel like i am still gonna have a lot. Not sure, but I figure I am going to cut down on what I bring over the next couple days. I feel like such a girl...lol. I am excited to get back, but I know its gonna be hard to leave. I love my family even though they get to be too much sometimes. Its hard to say goodbye, it always has been. Most of the time its awkward other times we cry. I just try not to think about it. This time I am driving back with a friend. I am excited and a little nervous too. I know I will be fine, as long as snow doesn't come. Plus I have my GPS and my new I-pod to keep me company on my 3 hour drive. Until I leave though I still have things to do like pack, clean, read, pend time with friends and family, and just breath. I don't have many days to do all that, but I am gonna try. Its a new year soon and a new start. I am trying to do better and take care of me. Which means I am gonna try my hardest to work out and not get so stressed about things. I think too much sometimes and I don't need to. I have to work on my relationships with people (my bf, my friends, my family). I also need to make myself happy and so begins the balancing act. I know I can do it I just have to keep my head about me. Here's hoping it all works out!

Christmas Eve

All the baking is done and the gifts are wrapped. Later today I will be going over to my grandmother's house to celebrate the beautiful Christmas Eve. I can't wait to watch people open their gifts and eat a delicious feast made for kings. The new year will include more weight loss...lol. I just am excited and I wish to all those who read this blog and all my friends and family a wonderful Christmas! Remember its the moments with those you love that are the real gifts. I know I don't remember all my old Christmas Gifts, but I remember the traditions and how important family is during this time of year. So put on the Christmas music and drink too much eggnog. Smile and laugh through the next two days. I know I will. Here's Hoping Santa brings me my pony I always wanted!!! Merry Christmas!!!

2 days Before Christmas Eve!!!

Everything is turning out amazing. The cookies are amazing and for the most part done and I have all my gifts under the tree. I realize that I might be in love. I am trying once again to read and doing pretty well at it. I really am just happy and excited for Christmas Eve. I am, for my first year, bringing my friend to my Grandmother's house. This is exciting for me because for a year or two now I haven't had anyone to hang out with at family events. I also just love going to my Grandma's house on Christmas Eve and celebrating all dressed up with my family. You really can't beat a tradition that includes great food and gifts. I just love the whole Christmas Event, including the after Christmas shopping when things go back on sale lol. I'm sorry I love buying clothes during this time of year, because this is the time when I have money. I have also come to an understanding with myself and how I am gonna try and deal with all the sweets and stuff. I am gonna not indulge too much and work out a lot when I get back to schools. Its gonna be cold but I got to do it. I really am excited to head back, I do need to get all my things together and pack what I am bringing back...hopefully not too much stuff. I am really ready to start the new year off on a better foot and try and not get really stressed out. I realize also that I say that every time I go back to school, but every time I go back I figure I can wipe the slate clean. I am excited and hopefully I won't be overwhelmed. So Much Excitement!!! LOL 2 MORE DAYS!!!!!

Turn Around

Nothing like life giving you a complete 180. I had a break down on Monday just to have life ease up on me the rest of the week. Maybe I had to hit a bottom to find peace and relaxation. I have been running around like mad since I came home and I finally had to slow down because I got sick. Yet, I have had more fun and accomplished more now then I did the entire break...go figure. I am happy to say that my computer is fixed and that I have found my way back to drawing. Surprise: Many of my gifts this Christmas will be pictures I drew...a little creativity and a little bit of me being broke :)  I have baked cookies and cupcakes, but alas my sweet work is not done. To my delight my week has peaked with someone dear to me returning home from a trip. I spent an amazing day catching up with him and realizing I don't make sense...lol. I am working on what my dear "mother" calls a commitment. I need to make decisions and stick to them. I will, I just have a problem figuring out what the right decision is sometimes. I'm sure people can relate to that. I mean just being aware that you have to make a decision and not being sure if what is best for you is to go left or right. I have one decision that I keep going back on forth on, not purposely. I just can't figure out what is truly right for me. My hope is that for both our sakes I will find clarity before its too late. So besides money and books for Christmas I guess I should ask Santa for Clarity...maybe just a direction. Here's Hoping!

So Much to Do So Little Time

As time goes on here at home I realize I have so much to do. I have gifts to buy/make, baking to do, and money to save. I have a problem this year in that everything seems to be going wrong. We get wireless at home and now both computers have issues. My i-pod died back in Sept and I am trying to save money to buy a new one. The problem is that it is hard to save money for one thing when new things keep popping up that I need to purchase. Life is crazy like that I guess. My body kicked out yesterday and I have been feeling a little under the weather since. Being sick just means I need to clean, decorate, and bake my little heart out. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes thinking about everything. I figure I need to relax and have fun, but its hard to do when you got so much hanging above your head. On a positive note I don't have many more gifts to buy/make. I can't purchase anymore till the snow stops. I swear it looks like a blizzard out there! Any who life keeps going and I have to keep trucking through it. Here's hoping it gets better!

We Are NOT That Different

Ok, so I had a talk with my sister that I find really interesting. What I basically got from it was the fact that she thinks she is sooooooo different from me. Mind you me and my little sis are not that close. I wish we were but sadly that is not the case. I blame it on me being older and acting like a little mommy for her most of her life, she fought me for years because she is very independent. Back to the situation though, she is not that different from me or anyone her age. I realize after reading so many secrets on http://www.sixbillionsecrets.com/ that we all have things in common with each other. Someone on the other side of the world may feel alone just like you do, or find shopping annoying. Though we are taught from a young age that we are special and everyone is different, we need to recognize that we are not that different at all. As we go through life many of us suffer from similar experiences and feelings, if we opened our eyes we would find such a giant support group. I realize after talking to so many of my friends that my level of insecurity and pain is not uncommon. Now I know I am not alone. My hope is that people will be more honest and open, and find the support from those who have the same problems or concerns. Don't be afraid to tell someone about your day, people do care that is why they are in your life. You might just be surprised by how much you have in common with a person. Here's hoping!

Sharing My Love

Ok, since it is Christmas time I thought that I would share my love...my love for Craig Ferguson. He is not only my favorite late night talk show host, but one of my favorite entertainers of all time. I read his autobiography and really enjoyed it. He is a man that has been through a lot and still seems stronger then ever. He has come a long way and in that he is truly some one to look up to. Plus he is really patriotic. His humor makes me laugh every night on the Late Late Show. I just love how much he doesn't care about what people think. How can you not love a guy who has a robot as his sidekick and has swam with sharks. So if you haven't checked it out watch him tonight after David Letterman or check out his videos on You Tube. http://www.youtube.com/user/TVsCraigFerguson

Check out his book: American On Purpose

Happy Holidays! Share the laughter!!!

On The Plus Side...

Today was not the best day for me. It just was weird. The kinda day when you wake up and you feel things are just not quite right, as if the world has shifted. I really had an ache in my head I can't explain, maybe from thinking to hard....probably not, lol. I some how dragged myself into the shower and didn't do much after that. The day seemed to just fly by me and I just sat there. I really just lost myself today. Idk why but I am struggling to find anything substantial to do. Well if you have the same problem like I do there is always YouTube!!!
But like the title says: on the plus side I have gotten some stuff done...so much more to do, but still i have made a dent. I looked in the mirror today and didn't find one thing wrong. I'm excited for Christmas. I have decided until then I will track down and hang out with as many people as possible. I'm lookin up and I'm gonna try to be fearless. I am strong and I am free to go out and do what I please...why would I waste that. So I am turning over a new leaf. I have so much to deal with but I am going to make time for me, I have to or time is just gonna fly by. I want to have memories and fun times, not be bogged down with work all the time. So here's to a breath of fresh, cold air :)

What is it about boys? I would hope they would understand when a girl likes them. Take that as the ball is in your court guys. Don't jus stare at it do something with it. Say you not interested or that you jus want to wait and see what happens but stop playing ignorant. It would make life a lot easier for me thanks!

Gives Me Hope

There are days when everything just comes at me at once and I feel like things won't get any better. I was Stumbling today and fell upon this site called Gives Me Hope (GMH). http://www.givesmehope.com/
The story that really hit me was this:

To the girl at the gym who said she wouldn't get a prom date because she was too "fat":

My friends and I were lifting weights nearby to try to impress you. Don't ever think that all guys see is your weight. We thought you were gorgeous.
The fact that you will realize that one day GMH.


I have felt over weight most of my life and it has been hard for me to look in the mirror some days. This story meant a lot to me, cuz that means there is hope for me. I will never be a Barbie. I will never be skinny, but I have a heart of gold and an amazing personality. Maybe one day someone will find that attractive enough to over look my waist size and if you are that guy please say something. If you don't we may never know how loved we really are.
With that said this site is amazing and all the stories shared give me hope. Smile! Be hopefully! Share the love!!

Something about watching someone fall asleep makes me smile, maybe its the love some where inside of me for that person or maybe its my motherly instincts. Either way watching him crash brought me peace. Now time for bed, more later!

Love

Can you love someone that you have never actually dated? Can you love more then one person? Is love very simple but we just make it hard? All these questions cross my mind every now and then. I have loved two guys in my life, but if the answer to the first question is yes...then make it three. Love is a department I struggle with, yet i am constantly searching for it. I always treasured the word love and knew it meant a lot to say it. It really means something so deep and beautiful that I don't say it to just anyone. Its hard to find that person though. That one person who will stand up and protect you, treat you with respect, that is kind, funny, and likes you for you. Maybe that's a lot to be asking for...but idk. There always seems to be a line between selling yourself short and asking too much that I can never find. This all might have more to do with patience then anything else...I don't have any. I settle for less because I am afraid to wait for more...what if it doesn't come? I feel like I end up sabotaging myself in the end. I hope one day everything will line up right and I will figure things out. In the end someone might actually love me...we will see.


I Pick Them Good
By-Megan
I think back on all my heartache,

I wonder what went wrong.

Feeling like a tired verse,

In an outdated song.

I think about their faces,

And how they swept me off my feet.

Yet they all ended up dropping me,

Really hard on cold concrete.

My life has been like a broken record,

Spinning round and round.

I try to pick the guys who are different,

Yet I always feel so bound.

Bound by the laws of attraction I guess,

These feelings deep inside.

These guys seem so perfect,

Yet they have so much that they hide.

They have great personalities,

They know just what to say.

But yet what they have put me through,

Would make any girl run away.

There seems to be a pattern,

Though I would hate to admit.

The guys I end up falling for,

Hurt me bit by bit.

It hurts so much,

Cuz I love them so.

But yet they don't feel the same,

Because they let me go.

I guess I should've seen it coming,

Like any girl would.

But what can I say,

I pick them good.

Body

I found this photo:

You have no clue how much i wish it was true, maybe then I would feel better about myself...

More Snow

You ever wonder why people forget how to drive in the snow...I do to. More snow came today, and when I say more I mean like 4 inches...I know many people would be super excited for snow, but I see cold, shoveling, and ice in the future. Any ways I am not gonna complain that is life in the Midwest. I am staying warm by wearing my nice sweatpants and cuddling up in my blanket. Speaking of blankets I have recently came across the cutest Christmas gift for my grandmother.

TIP: At Walmart.com you can make your own photo blanket that you can decorate with a collage of photos. It isn't really cheap, but I was assured that $85 blanket is doable by my mother as an overall Christmas gift from our family. It is just personal enough that you can't really go wrong.

 In the meantime I am trying to figure out what to get some of my friends for Christmas gifts so if you have any kewl inexpensive ideas leave me a comment!

I have also been working on my reading. I have so many children's books to read for my Intro to Children's Literature class I don't know where to start. Most are not very long, but I still have a lot of other things to do such as cleaning my house for Christmas and shopping. I am not expecting too many gifts this Christmas because I got many of my gifts early. My GPS was probably my most wanted and needed gift so I can find my way places without freaking out and getting lost. Traveling this summer is finally doable!!!
Check out my new page at the top: About Me...you might learn something about me you don't already know :)

Thanksgiving/ Shopping/ 1st Snow

Thanksgiving is over and very delicious! I ate so much good, homemade food I could burst. Black Friday has made it past me again. Personally I feel that I am not crazy enough to be a Black Friday shopper. It is just too cold to be sitting outside for hours and I don't really want anything that bad. I did go shopping over the weekend though and it was packed everywhere. I personally have shopping tips that work for me.

TIPS:

1. Stay on Course, If you are going to a store for one sale item, just get that item!
2. If you see something you like, leave it... and if you can't get you mind off it the next day go buy it!
3. Don't go crazy buying for others. Try and make a list or budget how much you want to spend on people. I personally like fun/funny gifts because it gives you a gift in return, a smile or laugh from that person.
4. Never look down on homemade gifts. Taking time out of your busy life to knit a scarf, draw a picture, or make a Cd for someone is unique and heartfelt.
5. When all else fails gift cards are great!

I know I personally want to go back out and buy a sweater I can't get out of my head. It is something I need right now since the first snow hit the other day. I personally hate the cold and for that reason I am not a fan of snow, but I do admire the beauty. There is something about this time of year that makes me like the snow and the lights, especially when we put up the Christmas Tree. Call it the Merry disease, but I catch it every year. I love baking cookies and cakes till I bleed sugar. I think a huge problem is that people get so caught up with making things perfect that they forget what Christmas is about. I know my family is guilty of that, but stress overwhelms people.

Kewl Fact: I suggest buying things online...I know many people do, but if you do research and get coupons often prices can be cheaper. Remember though sometimes it can be more with shipping and haddling so do research. I might have gotten some of my books cheaper if I just went to the book store, because I had $3.99 shipping charge.

Another Note: I have added a banner to a new site dedicated to fashion called Lookville. Check it out!!!

COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finals

Long Time No See...but with good reason. So much has happened to me from dance show to finals. I am lucky to say that I hopefully will have an internship next term at the preschool I love working at. I am also over the hardest part of my finals: essays. I am sooooooo excited to go home and see my family and my friends who I miss so much. Get back to the place of amazing food, especially now that Thanksgiving is coming up.
Not to say I haven't struggled this term, but I know I will come back stronger then ever. The great thing about college is understanding that every bad consequence is a lesson learned. We live and we learn. Going with the punches is part of being an adult, when things change you have to figure out the best way to live with it.
I have decided to add tips, other people's thoughts and opinions, and fun stuff to the blog. I mean not everyone wants to read about my soap opera of a life. I have also added a poll to find out what people want to read to answer that on the right side of the screen. Also, don't be afraid to leave comments and let me know what you want to read, give me your opinion on something, or even ask me a question!!!
TIPs:

1. Plan out finals week so you spend the right amount of time on everything.


2. Work in an environment that isn't distracting. I myself have a problem with this one because I am the distraction in my environment :P


3. Always make time to say goodbye to friends, after all they are the people you hang out with the most while you are at college.

As for my "Kewl" item: Master Stir Fry is a restaurant that was recently opened near my college, probably one of the best Chinese buffets I have been to. It has everything and yet it is still very cheap, especially for lunch (only $5.99...I know right). It has lots of options and is really yummy if you are hungry. Run Don't Walk!!!! Go Now!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Just Keep Going

So nothing much is going on in my world besides homework and all the other stuff that keeps me busy. I honestly am content at the moment. I do have a paper due Tues.though :/

Halloween is coming up which I am really excited about, since it is my favorite holiday! I am dressing up as a cute cop hopefully! This will be a fun weekend! Plus I am going out to a new restaurant with a group of friends!!!

In other thoughts I realize how much it sucks to loose contact with those friends you really cared about. It seems sometimes fall outs are the cause of it. Fights sometimes start and get out of hand and sometimes its good because you get rid of the people who are holding you back. Other times you loose people who are good friends that you trusted. Another thing I notice is that people move on and forget. Forget about people and loose touch with those people who were there for them through a lot of bad times. It sucks for me because I feel as though I have lost friends do to these things. I have no clue as how to change it or even if I should...

Homecoming

So this past week was Homecoming. It wasn't too bad. I spent most of the time working on homework or working with my sorority. I really liked one thing about this weekend, seeing all the alumni come back was fun and made me happy. I like knowing I am apart of a huge community and that one day that will be me.
In other news I'm working on a magazine spread for Graphic Design. It is looking nice so far and I'm having fun...even though half the time I don't know what I am doing. I'm excited to help out 2morrow at the Preschools Halloween party!!! I have also picked my classes for next term and I am hoping I don't get closed out. I am hopefully declaring my major shortly so everything should be alright, but you never know. I am a very boring person beyond that sadly. I am still busy and running around, maybe I will have more exciting news to come. Here's Hoping!

Another Crazy Weekend

Parents Weekend went well I think. Spent all of Sat and some of Sunday with my parents. I tried to focus on good stuff and having fun. Next time I might take them to Lake Story or Green Oaks for a change of pace. I really do miss them a lot when they leave, if it wasn't for the crazy life i have that keeps me busy I would be home sick a lot more. I always get excited when they come and I want to show them everything and tell them so much but I always forget things. I think what I try to do is make sure its a great visit because they are coming all this way to see me and I don't want to disappoint. I am happy to have gotten jeans, real food, and a drying rack! Can't wait to come home!!!
In other news I am running on straight sugar I think because I was up all night writing a paper. I hope it came out ok, but I won't know for a while. In the meantime I have so many mini-personal projects to get done as well as homework I had to put off because of the paper. I have dance tonight and Alpha Sigma Alpha stuff, so much to do so little time. At least I don't really have a paper due till tues :/
Honestly if I didn't have volunteering at the preschool I would go insane. It really is the calming points in my week, crazy that 3 year olds can do that but they really make me smile and appreciate the small things. Another busy week but I will survive...as long as I get sleep!!!

Running Around

This week is crazy with so much to do and so little time. I have commitments like classes, work, volunteering and dance, but Studying needs to be done too. It drives me crazy trying to work everything out. My parents are coming this weekend which is exciting and I have basically set aside Saturday just for them. I just really need to focus and get things done with all the free time I have, which isn't much. On a lighter note I am in love with volunteering! I love the kids I hang out with at the preschool and I will fight tooth and nail for that internship! Good Luck to me! Any who back to work and using free time :/

Caught in the Middle With Them...

I am constantly at odds with myself. Constantly at a crossroads unsure of which way to go. I never am 100% sure of myself and it drives me and others crazy. This goes out to those I might hurt because of my lack of decision making skills. Eventually, I will figure these things out and hopefully it won't end with me losing my sanity or my friendships. I am struggling with handling so many things at once and trying not to make choices that will end in serious turmoil. For one, my major is in the balance and I am not sure if I want to be an elementary or a secondary teacher. Big decisions like who to hangout with during my free time hurt me because I am busy all the time. I want to chill with everyone, but sometimes it is just really hard. Last but not least romantics don't avoid me. To have a heart in itself is a painful thing. My mind and heart wander constantly to people who are in my life. I guess it goes to the idea of wanting to be loved, but to find the right person is hard. I don't know what I need yet and I don't know if anyone around me fits the bill. Maybe clarity will invade my life with its goodness.....maybe

Been Here Forever...

So....its Friday!!! Yay! But still got stuff to do. Mainly a personal education narrative (basically me talking about my school life, teachers and such). It sounds easy right...but I have a problem with papers I never know how to start them. Its kinda intimidating walking up to a paper...its kinda like a guy...I don't know what to say. Once I start talking/ writing its pretty easy, but the beginning is so intimidating because its like first impression. If you suck now you will suck forever in the readers eyes. So instead of writing I avoid it til I can't...which I am doing right now :)
In other news: Might go vegetarian...kinda failed at it last year, but I feel like if I slowly move towards it won't be so bad. So I am slowly cutting out meat and have been thinking of other options. Another goal of mine is to try most of the cereals at the Caf. I have the ability to try them and maybe I will find some I like more then Cinnamon Toast Crunch...probably not. I might go work at the garden tomorrow, which in all honesty I am kinda excited about. I also really want to go to Cornucopia and buy some food. After trying some of the cookies at the KARES meeting I really would like a box of my own....lol. I know I am not a super green person, but i want to learn and I am trying. Also, I will start volunteering next week at the preschool which is exciting and nerve recking all at once. My hope is that it goes well :/
Today I have just been going to class. I got paid today which is nice. It pretty much covered the clothes I bought myself for my birthday. I got a little homework done. Later I might go to Target to get a few things and just walk around...now I sound like my father...lol. Any who it might be a tame night after all. I am sure there are parties and stuff going on that I may or may not attend. I will just have to feel it out.
That's all for now, back to my loathsome paper.

My Birthday!!!!!

I have to admit this day was pretty awesome even if I did have to work and go to class. I have to send a shout out to all my family in friends who really made it such an amazing day. The constant phone calls and "Happy Birthday" wall posts on Facebook really made my day. It was just a great feeling knowing that people care and I have sooooooo many friends and family who haven't forgotten me.
The day started out like any other...two crazy suite mates to happy to go to bed being random in my room, but I love them dearly. Let the record show they were the first to tell me happy birthday today. Then this randomness was followed by an assortment of 8 or so ex-Raubers in my room singing me happy birthday and asking me to blow out candles that were not lit. I did so and ate the brownies that laid below them. I LOVE my random friends and was happily shocked that they would all come over to do this for me. It really meant a lot and I swear I was going to cry. I got cards from family on this historic day as well as a lovely set of speakers by my dear friend Abe. Justin got me a card and a beautiful pair of earrings. David made me sculpture, while my lovely Ruby Claudia made me a cake! Everyone else gave me...i am gonna be corny...the gift of friendship, which is the best gift of all....lots of corny...lol. I love every single gift no matter how small and I can't explain how amazing it feels to just know people care.
As for the day i went to class and slowly nodded off...not on purpose it just kinda happened and i feel terrible about it. The teacher just rambled on and he talked about the same stuff over and over again. Anyways I went to work which was pretty easy and then enjoyed some down time. I showed my graphic design project to the TA of my class who seemed to think it was alright and around 9pm I went to dance. Dance News...I am doing Hip hop...Excited!!!!....that is all. LOL
I am so close to Friday I can taste it. I can't wait til it is here. In the mean time I am gonna do some reading, watch tv, and maybe order a pizza. Night All!!! Thanks Again!!!

I AM 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Counting Hours

Hours before my Birthday and I am not really excited. I am happy to be turning 20 but tomorrow is nothing special, just another busy day where I am going to class, work, then dance practice. I wish it was more then that but I am constantly busy running around, not that I think a lot of people would want to help me celebrate :(
Beyond that I am trying to maintain my sanity and get stuff done. Homework is clearly top priority, but I have things with clubs and my sorority that sometimes make me feel overwhelmed. I haven't drowned yet, nor do I plan on it. I am sooooooo excited to see my parents on parents weekend in two weeks!!!!! I miss them so much and not to mention I need stuff...lol Regardless I can't wait to have a break and sit and eat with my family and get my head out of the Knox water that continues to get higher as time goes on. I have gotten one card from my grandmother and it was a great reminder that people at home miss me and still care. I know its just another reminder to do my best and that I am here at Knox for a reason. I have to succeed here...there is no other reality.

Crazy World

Back to life...been busy, but i am always busy so basically nothing has changed. Had an amazing weekend that consisted of partying and bonding with my suite mates. I had sooooooooooo much fun and I really feel like I have some new amazing friends. For the party "Anything But Clothes" I dressed in a dress and wrapped myself firmly in duck tape, I must say a great idea, but it kept me pretty hot. My friend dressed in a blues clues sleeping bag and he grabed 3rd place costume wise. I must say Bravo!
Sunday was homework day followed by a soroity meeting. I am happy to say that it went well but I still feel pretty lost since I am not a full member yet and I don't know everything that I feel I am suppose to. I am the type a person that will do what I need to if I know what that is. I am just trying to go with the flow till then.
Today was just doing homework, went to class, and have began to work on my to do list. I have a lot a little things to do that will keep me busy, but im sure it will get done. Still working on my life and figuring stuff out...not to mention I am excited for my Birthday in 2 days!!!!!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Yesterday I was so busy! I had class, work, soccer game, and try outs. Some how even though I was feeling sick I made it through. My first day on the job went great and again today I think I have the hang of it. Yet...the scary credit card is a difficult process I have yet to learn fully. Thank goodness people don't use them as much. As for try outs last night I think it went well. I know I got cast for one dance, but I still feel like people don't see a dancer when they look at me. Its hard knowing I have to start all over and people doubt I am any good just because of a couple of 8 counts. :( Oh well!
Today has been going alright. I have been trying to get some work done and figure out my theme for my collage I am working on tonight. I have ideas, but I don't know if they are good enough. I also am nervous because I feel pressure to turn out something great and I want to do well...this is art after all and I love art. I have to get well so I can party this weekend and really relax. Here is hoping!!!

Sick and Tired

One thing that gets me about school is that with out fail I get sick. Today I woke up with either allergies or a cold, I am not sure which. I ended up being a slug all day. I took medicine and a nap, but with out fail my body still refuses to be nice. My hope is that by tomorrow I will be fine. Tomorrow is such a busy day with class, dance tryouts, my job, and the soccer game I am gonna need all the energy that I have to make it through. I am jus soooooooo busy this term it might make me go crazy. I have to admit though being busy is better then just sitting around, at least for me that is.
On a different note, I had a talk with a friend last night and came to a few realizations. 1.Nothing is truely perfect, even if it seems to be so. 2. The person you are ment to be with is never perfect. 3. Mistakes will happen until you grow and learn from them. 4.You might not know something is a mistake until later when looking back. 5. Even though you might not get what you want right now, your reward might be in the future. Here is hoping!!!

New Year New Start

Starting a new year is empowering because you know you have a year under your belt. I have met so many new people so far and its only 2 weeks or so in for me. I am more involved which I am super proud of. Being involved helps so much with being in college, because you meet so many more people and it keeps you busy. When things get slow thats when I get sad, feel lonley, or make bad choices. So far things are going in the right direction: I have a job (4 hours a week), Volunteering at the preschool (4 hours a week), plus classes, terp (dance), and ASA (sorority). I am happy to say I am getting things right this year!!! Now all I need to do is talk more in class :/

So today I get ahead in my studies and get ready for my 3 hour class 2morrow night. Its just a beautiful day!!!!!

White Lie

Ok so it was a little white lie...I didn't write a new post as soon as I wanted to. SORRY!!! So I am gonna talk a little more about me in this blog to make it a little less intimidating for me. I am joining a sorority!!! I am so happy to be joining such an amazing sisterhood and have such amazing sisters. I think that joining a sorority, though expensive in a way, is an amazing way to make friends and friendships that last and make an impact as a group. Its not for everyone, but I think I fit right in here. Its hard for me to find people I can trust. I have been through a lot and I have had my trust broken so many times that it is hard for me to trust people again. My boyfriend is the only person I completely trust. I feel as though joining this sorority I can let my guard down again and trust people. These girls are so nice to me I feel like I have a lot in common with many of them that I might actually have serious friends.

Serious friends=friends who are there no matter what and really care about one another, friends for a long time

I am so happy I made this decision and I can't wait to be initiated!!!

A New Start

When all is said and down there is more to live for in life. Always another option to live for that is larger then you may ever know...more to come 2morrow!!!

Lecture

So today I have become a little more thought provoking...IDK I went to a lecture on narrative reporting which was really interesting by Janet Reitman, who writes for Rolling Stone Magazine. I have to admit that I never read any of her pieces, but before college I never read Rolling Stone. She was really fascinating and I feel like I learned some things about that line of work that I didn't before, not to mention I got to see a great writer which I might not get the chance to see other wise. I feel like by way of college I am getting exposed to things I never thought I would like or care to do...but I think that's the importance of college...especially with a liberal arts education. You get to tap into things you never thought you might do or like and find out more about the world this way. My advice to prospective college students is absorb...go to event and lectures when you think it will be interesting or have nothing to do because this is the time to try everything. That even goes for classes you are thinking about taking, try something new. I am taking Psyc: Sensation and Perception this term and I thought it would be a boring class that I would hate, but its interesting and I learn so much about how we see and how our brain works...I like it a lot and I'm surprised cause that's not my thing...at least that's what I thought.

I guess my point is to keep your head up and jump in the water even if no one is behind you because you never know where you might end up or what you may discover!!!

School

So college is one of the hardest...if not the hardest...thing that I have been through to date. Failure is not an option was our motto in high school, but college is completely different. Overall, lets just say its crazy serious and impossible to pass, at least for me that is. I wish I could write as good as everyone else and pass tests with A's and B's like i did in high school, but instead my progression is quickly declining and I can't figure out why. I am trying my hardest and really going above to take note, but yet nothing is helping. Some days it sounds better to drop out and be a hobo. I only wish things were that easy but they are not. My hope is that people who read this really take my advice and try and be more open with there teachers and get to know them. I wish I could but I can never think of anything to ask them and I always feel like I am bothering them. Its hard to struggle because I never struggled before. I feel as though I was on top and I'm falling to the bottom. It hurts because I feel like i am failing not just myself, but my family who are paying this expensive tuition and who had such big hopes for me. I just wish things get better, because if it gets much worse I might have to call it quits. :(

Love/ Like/ Pain

I have had a rough day if you count a deeply sad, early morning. I just feel so much pressure and beyond that I feel so alone. I tried to rely on a close friend, but in the end they were not there. If it wasn't for my boyfriend Justin I don't know where I would be or what I might have done.

I just want to dedicate this post to the thoughts of lost love or loving people who don't love you back. The key is to open your eyes and love yourself, its the first step to moving on. Mr.Right could be right in front of you and you will never know if you don't look around.

As for me I will move on and keep loving my amazing boyfriend. He honestly is a person that I trust to always be there and catches me when I fall. My hope is that things get better, but one never knows. I'm excited to join a sorority,which I recommend cause you get to meet some amazing people you may never meet otherwise. I also feel quite accomplished after helping my friend finish his huge 3D puzzle, but now I have to finish my homework and get to bed. Here's hoping for a better day...

Day of Lessons

Kewl Pic I found on Stumble Upon

Lesson 1: Sometimes a night out cures everything.

I had a rough day yesterday and after going out and letting go I feel free. I let all the stress of classes and life go and just had fun and laughed a whole lot. After doing that, though sometimes you may have side effects, I feel so much better today.

Lesson 2: Be careful of your feelings.

I had deep feelings for someone who has been very close to me for a long time and I just recently found out that his feelings were strong for me at one point but are now no longer. Its a painful realization, yet in some ways its I am releaved to know that I can free him of my thought for he doesn't care for me back...not saying it doesn't hurt and im gonna get over it quickly...just saying

Lesson 3: Enjoy sunny days...no story here JUST DO IT!!!!

My First Post

So....This is my first post. What can I say? Well for all those new to this blog...which is everyone...I am a first year in college soon to be a sophmore and this blog is suppose to talk about my life and all the crazy things that go on in college. It is also suppose to educate some girls on life and things I wish I knew before coming to college. Please feel free to comment or ask about anything.

The title of my blog is "Looking for Clarity: A College Girl's Story". I feel as though my journey here in college is one in which I am constantly looking for clarity. Clarity as to who I am and what I want in life, education, or even in my dinner choices. I'm not saying that once I finish college I will have all the answers, but after being in college for almost a full year now I know that I'm taking the steps to figure out these HUGE questions.

Here is what I have so far:
> What I want:
I want to graduate college in a major and minor I enjoy, I want to gain friends I can depend on, I want to walk away a strong individual who is not shy to speak up and believes in herself, I want to be happy in all that I do and even if something is hard or tiresome I want to know that there is a happy reason for me doing it in the first place, I want to make my family proud, I want to be active and be apart of more things at my college.
> What I think I want in education:
Major: Education
Minor: Psychology
> Who I am:
I am a hard worker, good friend, blessed daughter, big sister, college student, commited dancer, animal lover, starving artist, & smiling girlfriend

What I'm hoping to do is let people in on my life, all the crazy, stressful, sad, depressing, funny, great times and you, the reader, can comment/ question anything you please...this is my truthful journey to clarity!!!