Life and Other things

Today was my first day of work!!! I am excited and nervous all at the same time to actually be a counselor and work with the kids next week...today was just meet and great and training. It was a super long day waking up at 6:45 and at the park district till 2pm, having all this information thrown at me. The other counselors seem nice enough that I should get by and learn from them. Only time will tell for sure though...but at least I am CPR/AED certified for 2 years! Go Me :)

In other news: I am super involved in this book I am reading. The Last Olympian, the last book of the Percy Jackson series is really interesting. I know its a teen book, but it really just captures my imagination and is really interesting. I suggest the series to anyone who just wants to sit down with a book and go to another world. It truly is a quick moving series and it basically places you in America, but with Greek twists. Just pretend for a minute that all the Greek myths and gods were real and place all the settings in the US. Its pretty interesting, but I always liked Greek mythology.
I am also trying to read some/ most of the books I have lying around my room...trying to educate myself I guess and have more random info in my head. Its interesting how every summer I always have this amazing list of things I want to accomplish and yet I never seem to make much of an impact on the list. I am really going all out this summer though. I am working, reading, working out, and cleaning...not to mention I want to get out and DO things. Really get out and have new experiences and meet new people. I am excited and nervous at the same time. Some moments I am afraid I won't get enough done or really make any progress, but I just hope for the best and keep trucking. I miss all my Knoxy Friends!!! Here's hoping I see some soon!!!

Today in Science: Heart is a Confusing Thing

You ever fall for someone and it leaves you in a strange place...talk to me about it.

Problem: You have no idea how weird my situation is...not terrible but confusing. I get caught in between the good and bad with this person and every time I just want to let him go I find it almost impossible, something pulls me back to him. It's stupid and crazy, but I get caught up in the moments we have together. I am better then this and I give advice on this type of stuff...but for some reason I am just irrational. Those big brown eyes catch me and I buy what he is selling...which ain't much considering he seems to be avoiding dating me, and he caught up at the moment. I know I'm stupid...but considering my past I think it make sense...lol.

Solution: I guess the best way to handle this is to let him go, just walk away. IDK if I can do that, but it does sound good right?

Truth: I guess I'm too stubborn for my own good. I'm afraid of giving up and finding myself in a "what if situation"...I hate those situations. I want to live life without regrets if I can help it. Yet, I guess one of my close friends put it best "make sure you are your 1st priority!" That's a weird concept for me, I figure when I look back at my life so far I never really fought for myself as much as I should've...I wanted to make other people happy. I wanted to be mommy and fix other people's problems, conform to their needs and wants. It wasn't till college that I started figuring out what I wanted, who I wanted to be. I fought for people all my life, fought for recognition and even in moments like this I am still fighting. I am fighting for this boy to pay attention to what is right in front of him, me....why should I keep fighting? YouTube: Never Ever

New Observation: What am I really doing here? Waiting for a boy for 3 years to notice me, to date me...that's a laugh I guess cuz after 3 years I think anyone reasonable enough whould've seen it as a lost cause...not me, cuz as we discovered earlier I am not reasonable...lol. Regardless, I deserve better then this, I know I have a great heart and a great personality to back it up. I am not perfect, but I know that I got a lot to like about me, yet he don't see it. It's a shame really, but what can I do?...Nothing. I think the hardest thought for me is that if I let go there won't be anyone else (my deepest fear). It sucks being THAT girl, I want more then that, but I don't want to be alone...confusion :/

1 Down...

I got a Job!!!! What does this mean? I am not hopeless. I am not gonna be broke. I finally succeed at attaining a summer job after what seems like forever. I will be a day camp counselor for a month...I am sooooooo excited. I feel that I am more excited then nervous to be honest, maybe because after the blog I wrote yesterday I am really feeling the adventurous side of myself. I want to really go into this job and do the best I can, but not be scared. Yes, this is a new experience , but I can only learn from it....or at least that is what I keep telling myself. This job thing has really made me feel a lot more confident in the last couple hours since I got the news. I honestly feel whole in a way I can't explain. I am contributing to my life and going outside of this protective four walls I have just allowed to restrain me, now I finally can just DO something...anything. I also look at is as a way to start paying it forward, make an impact on my loans or dues...I am even thinking about increasing my work hours at school just so I can have more money to devote to these things. Its time I spread my wings, took on more things (like a crazy person) and let the chips fall where they may. I don't know who I will be at the end of this summer, not sure where I will end up either...what I do know is the Megan I was before and the Megan I am now are so different from one another. I have grown so much from high school till now, here's hoping I keep getting better!!!

Lost in Summer

Ok so....to catch up I made it through the peer teaching with an A-...Yay!!! I also almost failed out of a class...Yay :(    IDK, I had a hard time with a ten page paper which I hope I fixed and worked on enough to raise my grade. I still don't know my grades, but it might take another week before I know anything. O well, all I can do is hope I did well and push forward. Currently I am clustered in a house, surrounded by "stuff". There really is no other way to put it, there is my stuff that I need to put away, but part of me feels like it is pointless considering in 3 months I am gone again. Once again I am prone to cleaning this house and making things nice, yet part of me really wants to be adventurous this summer. I might actually go to the taste for once in my life, ride the train for the second time, and be crazy. I have all these big dreams and crazy notions. I just want to experience life!!!

So here I am lost in summer! I have no clue where this summer may take me or who might even be on the journey with me, but I know I need to roll down the windows, go places I have never been, and find me. Yet, I know when im home I will be cleaning, working on sorority stuff, and reading (if I get a chance after the first two)...o and btw I need to work out. All the Things!!!! Heres hoping I gain something from this summer and maintain my sanity!