Caught in the Middle With Them...

I am constantly at odds with myself. Constantly at a crossroads unsure of which way to go. I never am 100% sure of myself and it drives me and others crazy. This goes out to those I might hurt because of my lack of decision making skills. Eventually, I will figure these things out and hopefully it won't end with me losing my sanity or my friendships. I am struggling with handling so many things at once and trying not to make choices that will end in serious turmoil. For one, my major is in the balance and I am not sure if I want to be an elementary or a secondary teacher. Big decisions like who to hangout with during my free time hurt me because I am busy all the time. I want to chill with everyone, but sometimes it is just really hard. Last but not least romantics don't avoid me. To have a heart in itself is a painful thing. My mind and heart wander constantly to people who are in my life. I guess it goes to the idea of wanting to be loved, but to find the right person is hard. I don't know what I need yet and I don't know if anyone around me fits the bill. Maybe clarity will invade my life with its goodness.....maybe

Been Here Forever...

So....its Friday!!! Yay! But still got stuff to do. Mainly a personal education narrative (basically me talking about my school life, teachers and such). It sounds easy right...but I have a problem with papers I never know how to start them. Its kinda intimidating walking up to a paper...its kinda like a guy...I don't know what to say. Once I start talking/ writing its pretty easy, but the beginning is so intimidating because its like first impression. If you suck now you will suck forever in the readers eyes. So instead of writing I avoid it til I can't...which I am doing right now :)
In other news: Might go vegetarian...kinda failed at it last year, but I feel like if I slowly move towards it won't be so bad. So I am slowly cutting out meat and have been thinking of other options. Another goal of mine is to try most of the cereals at the Caf. I have the ability to try them and maybe I will find some I like more then Cinnamon Toast Crunch...probably not. I might go work at the garden tomorrow, which in all honesty I am kinda excited about. I also really want to go to Cornucopia and buy some food. After trying some of the cookies at the KARES meeting I really would like a box of my own....lol. I know I am not a super green person, but i want to learn and I am trying. Also, I will start volunteering next week at the preschool which is exciting and nerve recking all at once. My hope is that it goes well :/
Today I have just been going to class. I got paid today which is nice. It pretty much covered the clothes I bought myself for my birthday. I got a little homework done. Later I might go to Target to get a few things and just walk around...now I sound like my father...lol. Any who it might be a tame night after all. I am sure there are parties and stuff going on that I may or may not attend. I will just have to feel it out.
That's all for now, back to my loathsome paper.

My Birthday!!!!!

I have to admit this day was pretty awesome even if I did have to work and go to class. I have to send a shout out to all my family in friends who really made it such an amazing day. The constant phone calls and "Happy Birthday" wall posts on Facebook really made my day. It was just a great feeling knowing that people care and I have sooooooo many friends and family who haven't forgotten me.
The day started out like any other...two crazy suite mates to happy to go to bed being random in my room, but I love them dearly. Let the record show they were the first to tell me happy birthday today. Then this randomness was followed by an assortment of 8 or so ex-Raubers in my room singing me happy birthday and asking me to blow out candles that were not lit. I did so and ate the brownies that laid below them. I LOVE my random friends and was happily shocked that they would all come over to do this for me. It really meant a lot and I swear I was going to cry. I got cards from family on this historic day as well as a lovely set of speakers by my dear friend Abe. Justin got me a card and a beautiful pair of earrings. David made me sculpture, while my lovely Ruby Claudia made me a cake! Everyone else gave me...i am gonna be corny...the gift of friendship, which is the best gift of all....lots of corny...lol. I love every single gift no matter how small and I can't explain how amazing it feels to just know people care.
As for the day i went to class and slowly nodded off...not on purpose it just kinda happened and i feel terrible about it. The teacher just rambled on and he talked about the same stuff over and over again. Anyways I went to work which was pretty easy and then enjoyed some down time. I showed my graphic design project to the TA of my class who seemed to think it was alright and around 9pm I went to dance. Dance News...I am doing Hip hop...Excited!!!!....that is all. LOL
I am so close to Friday I can taste it. I can't wait til it is here. In the mean time I am gonna do some reading, watch tv, and maybe order a pizza. Night All!!! Thanks Again!!!

I AM 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Counting Hours

Hours before my Birthday and I am not really excited. I am happy to be turning 20 but tomorrow is nothing special, just another busy day where I am going to class, work, then dance practice. I wish it was more then that but I am constantly busy running around, not that I think a lot of people would want to help me celebrate :(
Beyond that I am trying to maintain my sanity and get stuff done. Homework is clearly top priority, but I have things with clubs and my sorority that sometimes make me feel overwhelmed. I haven't drowned yet, nor do I plan on it. I am sooooooo excited to see my parents on parents weekend in two weeks!!!!! I miss them so much and not to mention I need stuff...lol Regardless I can't wait to have a break and sit and eat with my family and get my head out of the Knox water that continues to get higher as time goes on. I have gotten one card from my grandmother and it was a great reminder that people at home miss me and still care. I know its just another reminder to do my best and that I am here at Knox for a reason. I have to succeed here...there is no other reality.

Crazy World

Back to life...been busy, but i am always busy so basically nothing has changed. Had an amazing weekend that consisted of partying and bonding with my suite mates. I had sooooooooooo much fun and I really feel like I have some new amazing friends. For the party "Anything But Clothes" I dressed in a dress and wrapped myself firmly in duck tape, I must say a great idea, but it kept me pretty hot. My friend dressed in a blues clues sleeping bag and he grabed 3rd place costume wise. I must say Bravo!
Sunday was homework day followed by a soroity meeting. I am happy to say that it went well but I still feel pretty lost since I am not a full member yet and I don't know everything that I feel I am suppose to. I am the type a person that will do what I need to if I know what that is. I am just trying to go with the flow till then.
Today was just doing homework, went to class, and have began to work on my to do list. I have a lot a little things to do that will keep me busy, but im sure it will get done. Still working on my life and figuring stuff out...not to mention I am excited for my Birthday in 2 days!!!!!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Yesterday I was so busy! I had class, work, soccer game, and try outs. Some how even though I was feeling sick I made it through. My first day on the job went great and again today I think I have the hang of it. Yet...the scary credit card is a difficult process I have yet to learn fully. Thank goodness people don't use them as much. As for try outs last night I think it went well. I know I got cast for one dance, but I still feel like people don't see a dancer when they look at me. Its hard knowing I have to start all over and people doubt I am any good just because of a couple of 8 counts. :( Oh well!
Today has been going alright. I have been trying to get some work done and figure out my theme for my collage I am working on tonight. I have ideas, but I don't know if they are good enough. I also am nervous because I feel pressure to turn out something great and I want to do well...this is art after all and I love art. I have to get well so I can party this weekend and really relax. Here is hoping!!!

Sick and Tired

One thing that gets me about school is that with out fail I get sick. Today I woke up with either allergies or a cold, I am not sure which. I ended up being a slug all day. I took medicine and a nap, but with out fail my body still refuses to be nice. My hope is that by tomorrow I will be fine. Tomorrow is such a busy day with class, dance tryouts, my job, and the soccer game I am gonna need all the energy that I have to make it through. I am jus soooooooo busy this term it might make me go crazy. I have to admit though being busy is better then just sitting around, at least for me that is.
On a different note, I had a talk with a friend last night and came to a few realizations. 1.Nothing is truely perfect, even if it seems to be so. 2. The person you are ment to be with is never perfect. 3. Mistakes will happen until you grow and learn from them. 4.You might not know something is a mistake until later when looking back. 5. Even though you might not get what you want right now, your reward might be in the future. Here is hoping!!!

New Year New Start

Starting a new year is empowering because you know you have a year under your belt. I have met so many new people so far and its only 2 weeks or so in for me. I am more involved which I am super proud of. Being involved helps so much with being in college, because you meet so many more people and it keeps you busy. When things get slow thats when I get sad, feel lonley, or make bad choices. So far things are going in the right direction: I have a job (4 hours a week), Volunteering at the preschool (4 hours a week), plus classes, terp (dance), and ASA (sorority). I am happy to say I am getting things right this year!!! Now all I need to do is talk more in class :/

So today I get ahead in my studies and get ready for my 3 hour class 2morrow night. Its just a beautiful day!!!!!