Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Going Back

I only have a few more days till I go back to school. Not really looking forward to the work, but I can't wait to see all the people. I am having a slight problem packing right now...I believe I have way to many I really don't want to bring too much back with me, but I feel like i am still gonna have a lot. Not sure, but I figure I am going to cut down on what I bring over the next couple days. I feel like such a I am excited to get back, but I know its gonna be hard to leave. I love my family even though they get to be too much sometimes. Its hard to say goodbye, it always has been. Most of the time its awkward other times we cry. I just try not to think about it. This time I am driving back with a friend. I am excited and a little nervous too. I know I will be fine, as long as snow doesn't come. Plus I have my GPS and my new I-pod to keep me company on my 3 hour drive. Until I leave though I still have things to do like pack, clean, read, pend time with friends and family, and just breath. I don't have many days to do all that, but I am gonna try. Its a new year soon and a new start. I am trying to do better and take care of me. Which means I am gonna try my hardest to work out and not get so stressed about things. I think too much sometimes and I don't need to. I have to work on my relationships with people (my bf, my friends, my family). I also need to make myself happy and so begins the balancing act. I know I can do it I just have to keep my head about me. Here's hoping it all works out!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

All the baking is done and the gifts are wrapped. Later today I will be going over to my grandmother's house to celebrate the beautiful Christmas Eve. I can't wait to watch people open their gifts and eat a delicious feast made for kings. The new year will include more weight I just am excited and I wish to all those who read this blog and all my friends and family a wonderful Christmas! Remember its the moments with those you love that are the real gifts. I know I don't remember all my old Christmas Gifts, but I remember the traditions and how important family is during this time of year. So put on the Christmas music and drink too much eggnog. Smile and laugh through the next two days. I know I will. Here's Hoping Santa brings me my pony I always wanted!!! Merry Christmas!!!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

2 days Before Christmas Eve!!!

Everything is turning out amazing. The cookies are amazing and for the most part done and I have all my gifts under the tree. I realize that I might be in love. I am trying once again to read and doing pretty well at it. I really am just happy and excited for Christmas Eve. I am, for my first year, bringing my friend to my Grandmother's house. This is exciting for me because for a year or two now I haven't had anyone to hang out with at family events. I also just love going to my Grandma's house on Christmas Eve and celebrating all dressed up with my family. You really can't beat a tradition that includes great food and gifts. I just love the whole Christmas Event, including the after Christmas shopping when things go back on sale lol. I'm sorry I love buying clothes during this time of year, because this is the time when I have money. I have also come to an understanding with myself and how I am gonna try and deal with all the sweets and stuff. I am gonna not indulge too much and work out a lot when I get back to schools. Its gonna be cold but I got to do it. I really am excited to head back, I do need to get all my things together and pack what I am bringing back...hopefully not too much stuff. I am really ready to start the new year off on a better foot and try and not get really stressed out. I realize also that I say that every time I go back to school, but every time I go back I figure I can wipe the slate clean. I am excited and hopefully I won't be overwhelmed. So Much Excitement!!! LOL 2 MORE DAYS!!!!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Turn Around

Nothing like life giving you a complete 180. I had a break down on Monday just to have life ease up on me the rest of the week. Maybe I had to hit a bottom to find peace and relaxation. I have been running around like mad since I came home and I finally had to slow down because I got sick. Yet, I have had more fun and accomplished more now then I did the entire break...go figure. I am happy to say that my computer is fixed and that I have found my way back to drawing. Surprise: Many of my gifts this Christmas will be pictures I drew...a little creativity and a little bit of me being broke :)  I have baked cookies and cupcakes, but alas my sweet work is not done. To my delight my week has peaked with someone dear to me returning home from a trip. I spent an amazing day catching up with him and realizing I don't make I am working on what my dear "mother" calls a commitment. I need to make decisions and stick to them. I will, I just have a problem figuring out what the right decision is sometimes. I'm sure people can relate to that. I mean just being aware that you have to make a decision and not being sure if what is best for you is to go left or right. I have one decision that I keep going back on forth on, not purposely. I just can't figure out what is truly right for me. My hope is that for both our sakes I will find clarity before its too late. So besides money and books for Christmas I guess I should ask Santa for Clarity...maybe just a direction. Here's Hoping!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

So Much to Do So Little Time

As time goes on here at home I realize I have so much to do. I have gifts to buy/make, baking to do, and money to save. I have a problem this year in that everything seems to be going wrong. We get wireless at home and now both computers have issues. My i-pod died back in Sept and I am trying to save money to buy a new one. The problem is that it is hard to save money for one thing when new things keep popping up that I need to purchase. Life is crazy like that I guess. My body kicked out yesterday and I have been feeling a little under the weather since. Being sick just means I need to clean, decorate, and bake my little heart out. I just get so overwhelmed sometimes thinking about everything. I figure I need to relax and have fun, but its hard to do when you got so much hanging above your head. On a positive note I don't have many more gifts to buy/make. I can't purchase anymore till the snow stops. I swear it looks like a blizzard out there! Any who life keeps going and I have to keep trucking through it. Here's hoping it gets better!

Friday, December 10, 2010

We Are NOT That Different

Ok, so I had a talk with my sister that I find really interesting. What I basically got from it was the fact that she thinks she is sooooooo different from me. Mind you me and my little sis are not that close. I wish we were but sadly that is not the case. I blame it on me being older and acting like a little mommy for her most of her life, she fought me for years because she is very independent. Back to the situation though, she is not that different from me or anyone her age. I realize after reading so many secrets on that we all have things in common with each other. Someone on the other side of the world may feel alone just like you do, or find shopping annoying. Though we are taught from a young age that we are special and everyone is different, we need to recognize that we are not that different at all. As we go through life many of us suffer from similar experiences and feelings, if we opened our eyes we would find such a giant support group. I realize after talking to so many of my friends that my level of insecurity and pain is not uncommon. Now I know I am not alone. My hope is that people will be more honest and open, and find the support from those who have the same problems or concerns. Don't be afraid to tell someone about your day, people do care that is why they are in your life. You might just be surprised by how much you have in common with a person. Here's hoping!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sharing My Love

Ok, since it is Christmas time I thought that I would share my love for Craig Ferguson. He is not only my favorite late night talk show host, but one of my favorite entertainers of all time. I read his autobiography and really enjoyed it. He is a man that has been through a lot and still seems stronger then ever. He has come a long way and in that he is truly some one to look up to. Plus he is really patriotic. His humor makes me laugh every night on the Late Late Show. I just love how much he doesn't care about what people think. How can you not love a guy who has a robot as his sidekick and has swam with sharks. So if you haven't checked it out watch him tonight after David Letterman or check out his videos on You Tube.

Check out his book: American On Purpose

Happy Holidays! Share the laughter!!!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

On The Plus Side...

Today was not the best day for me. It just was weird. The kinda day when you wake up and you feel things are just not quite right, as if the world has shifted. I really had an ache in my head I can't explain, maybe from thinking to hard....probably not, lol. I some how dragged myself into the shower and didn't do much after that. The day seemed to just fly by me and I just sat there. I really just lost myself today. Idk why but I am struggling to find anything substantial to do. Well if you have the same problem like I do there is always YouTube!!!
But like the title says: on the plus side I have gotten some stuff much more to do, but still i have made a dent. I looked in the mirror today and didn't find one thing wrong. I'm excited for Christmas. I have decided until then I will track down and hang out with as many people as possible. I'm lookin up and I'm gonna try to be fearless. I am strong and I am free to go out and do what I please...why would I waste that. So I am turning over a new leaf. I have so much to deal with but I am going to make time for me, I have to or time is just gonna fly by. I want to have memories and fun times, not be bogged down with work all the time. So here's to a breath of fresh, cold air :)
What is it about boys? I would hope they would understand when a girl likes them. Take that as the ball is in your court guys. Don't jus stare at it do something with it. Say you not interested or that you jus want to wait and see what happens but stop playing ignorant. It would make life a lot easier for me thanks!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Gives Me Hope

There are days when everything just comes at me at once and I feel like things won't get any better. I was Stumbling today and fell upon this site called Gives Me Hope (GMH).
The story that really hit me was this:

To the girl at the gym who said she wouldn't get a prom date because she was too "fat":

My friends and I were lifting weights nearby to try to impress you. Don't ever think that all guys see is your weight. We thought you were gorgeous.
The fact that you will realize that one day GMH.

I have felt over weight most of my life and it has been hard for me to look in the mirror some days. This story meant a lot to me, cuz that means there is hope for me. I will never be a Barbie. I will never be skinny, but I have a heart of gold and an amazing personality. Maybe one day someone will find that attractive enough to over look my waist size and if you are that guy please say something. If you don't we may never know how loved we really are.
With that said this site is amazing and all the stories shared give me hope. Smile! Be hopefully! Share the love!!
Something about watching someone fall asleep makes me smile, maybe its the love some where inside of me for that person or maybe its my motherly instincts. Either way watching him crash brought me peace. Now time for bed, more later!

Monday, December 6, 2010


Can you love someone that you have never actually dated? Can you love more then one person? Is love very simple but we just make it hard? All these questions cross my mind every now and then. I have loved two guys in my life, but if the answer to the first question is yes...then make it three. Love is a department I struggle with, yet i am constantly searching for it. I always treasured the word love and knew it meant a lot to say it. It really means something so deep and beautiful that I don't say it to just anyone. Its hard to find that person though. That one person who will stand up and protect you, treat you with respect, that is kind, funny, and likes you for you. Maybe that's a lot to be asking for...but idk. There always seems to be a line between selling yourself short and asking too much that I can never find. This all might have more to do with patience then anything else...I don't have any. I settle for less because I am afraid to wait for more...what if it doesn't come? I feel like I end up sabotaging myself in the end. I hope one day everything will line up right and I will figure things out. In the end someone might actually love me...we will see.

I Pick Them Good
I think back on all my heartache,

I wonder what went wrong.

Feeling like a tired verse,

In an outdated song.

I think about their faces,

And how they swept me off my feet.

Yet they all ended up dropping me,

Really hard on cold concrete.

My life has been like a broken record,

Spinning round and round.

I try to pick the guys who are different,

Yet I always feel so bound.

Bound by the laws of attraction I guess,

These feelings deep inside.

These guys seem so perfect,

Yet they have so much that they hide.

They have great personalities,

They know just what to say.

But yet what they have put me through,

Would make any girl run away.

There seems to be a pattern,

Though I would hate to admit.

The guys I end up falling for,

Hurt me bit by bit.

It hurts so much,

Cuz I love them so.

But yet they don't feel the same,

Because they let me go.

I guess I should've seen it coming,

Like any girl would.

But what can I say,

I pick them good.


I found this photo:

You have no clue how much i wish it was true, maybe then I would feel better about myself...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

More Snow

You ever wonder why people forget how to drive in the snow...I do to. More snow came today, and when I say more I mean like 4 inches...I know many people would be super excited for snow, but I see cold, shoveling, and ice in the future. Any ways I am not gonna complain that is life in the Midwest. I am staying warm by wearing my nice sweatpants and cuddling up in my blanket. Speaking of blankets I have recently came across the cutest Christmas gift for my grandmother.

TIP: At you can make your own photo blanket that you can decorate with a collage of photos. It isn't really cheap, but I was assured that $85 blanket is doable by my mother as an overall Christmas gift from our family. It is just personal enough that you can't really go wrong.

 In the meantime I am trying to figure out what to get some of my friends for Christmas gifts so if you have any kewl inexpensive ideas leave me a comment!

I have also been working on my reading. I have so many children's books to read for my Intro to Children's Literature class I don't know where to start. Most are not very long, but I still have a lot of other things to do such as cleaning my house for Christmas and shopping. I am not expecting too many gifts this Christmas because I got many of my gifts early. My GPS was probably my most wanted and needed gift so I can find my way places without freaking out and getting lost. Traveling this summer is finally doable!!!
Check out my new page at the top: About might learn something about me you don't already know :)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Thanksgiving/ Shopping/ 1st Snow

Thanksgiving is over and very delicious! I ate so much good, homemade food I could burst. Black Friday has made it past me again. Personally I feel that I am not crazy enough to be a Black Friday shopper. It is just too cold to be sitting outside for hours and I don't really want anything that bad. I did go shopping over the weekend though and it was packed everywhere. I personally have shopping tips that work for me.

  1. Stay on Course, If you are going to a store for one sale item, just get that item!
  2. If you see something you like, leave it... and if you can't get you mind off it the next day go buy it!
  3. Don't go crazy buying for others. Try and make a list or budget how much you want to spend on people. I personally like fun/funny gifts because it gives you a gift in return, a smile or laugh from that person.
  4. Never look down on homemade gifts. Taking time out of your busy life to knit a scarf, draw a picture, or make a Cd for someone is unique and heartfelt.
  5. When all else fails gift cards are great!

I know I personally want to go back out and buy a sweater I can't get out of my head. It is something I need right now since the first snow hit the other day. I personally hate the cold and for that reason I am not a fan of snow, but I do admire the beauty. There is something about this time of year that makes me like the snow and the lights, especially when we put up the Christmas Tree. Call it the Merry disease, but I catch it every year. I love baking cookies and cakes till I bleed sugar. I think a huge problem is that people get so caught up with making things perfect that they forget what Christmas is about. I know my family is guilty of that, but stress overwhelms people.

Kewl Fact: I suggest buying things online...I know many people do, but if you do research and get coupons often prices can be cheaper. Remember though sometimes it can be more with shipping and haddling so do research. I might have gotten some of my books cheaper if I just went to the book store, because I had $3.99 shipping charge.

Another Note: I have added a banner to a new site dedicated to fashion called Lookville. Check it out!!!

COMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!