Saturday, June 30, 2012

New Music Suggestions

I'm posting some singers that I recently found that's music is really good, they have all been singing for a while, but they might be new to you so check them out!

Tony Lucca- Tony was on The Voice this past season, but he has been singing for a while. He got to the finals of the voice and came in 3rd. He became a favorite of mine so I looked up more of his work. He has a nice voice that has some grit to it and he can pretty much sing anything. Tony has made a few records and keeps to a blues, rock type music. I posted two links one an awesome version he did of Britney Spear's "Baby One More Time" on the show, which give the song a manly edge lol. The other link is of a song he did before the show called Pretty Things, its really beautiful so take a listen.
Tony "Baby One More Time"
Tony "Pretty Things"

Cher Lloyd- Cher came out on the X-Factor in Britain not long ago and sang Turn My Swag On the Keri Hilson version. She was impressive from the beginning and based on the amount of videos I found of her she was eliminated, but she lasted a long time on the show. Her style is a mix of pop and hiphop and is actually pretty good. I just like her voice and her songs are pretty catchy. Below is a link to one of her videos...I think her second single. If you like her check out "Superman" or "Love Me For Me" (I have these two stuck in my head).
Cher "With Your Love" feat Mike Posner

Max Milner- Another british artist who made his big screen debut on The Voice Britain. He has a grit to his voice as well...hmmm maybe there is a pattern I found him looking for mashups and watched his voice audition, check the link below, which was amazing. He apparently made it pretty far, but didn't win. Max played with a band before the show and has a voice that kinda reminds me of The Script.
Max's Voice Audition

AHMIR- These boys I was shown freshmen year at Knox and they are really really good. They have amazing harmony and sing just about anything. I actually really liked their rendition of a Taylor Swift song...which is surprising because I don't really like her music that much. They have done tours and continue to post new videos mixing songs together or just singing it their way. If you like the link below check out their Channel on Youtube.
AHMIR "You Da One" feat Alexis Goddard

If you got any new music suggestions add a comment!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Getting Rain in this Drought!

Finally today it rained here at home. We were needing it too because it was pretty much a heat wave mixed with a drought. It got me thinking about things. For one I love rain so I chilled under the gazebo as long as I could, but it got me thinking about...and go with me on this...sustainus. What it is that makes us survive and feel good? Everyone clearly needs water and food to live, but there are things we all individually need based on who we are. I for one need people, I love being social and I know plenty of people who are the same. Other people might need a camera, canvas, chocolate, music, or the great outdoors. Each person has something that they love that makes them happy so much so that it becomes apart of them. Whatever it is you have to have it to survive, to be you. So I guess I am just writing this because it made me think about what makes me, me. Its funny how rain can make you see things differently. It clears things up in a way. So do what makes you happy, feed yourself with whatever it is that makes you tick because you should never live in a drought for long.
Here's Hoping The Rain Clears Your Sight Too!

Monday, June 25, 2012

A Girl's Best Friend

Yes... the correct answer is normally diamonds, but in my case diamonds are little compared to man's best other words I want a dog! lol
Ever since I was a little girl I wanted a pet, to the point that I would go to the library and read how to take care of them and all the different types. I have always loved animals and always thought about working with them when I was younger. When I got older my parents basically told me that our house was a mess (which hasn't changed) and there is no way we were ever going to get one. This broke my heart because I wanted an animal to pet, take for walks, and play with. I sadly have to live through others, mainly my cousins and their pets. There is something about the connection you can have with an animal and the happiness that comes with that. One day, I hope soon, I can make this dream come true and have my own dog. I am not super picky and wouldn't mind any dog...but I really want a Lab (center) or Samoyed (right). The nice thing about having one now is that it would give me something to do like go for walks or go to the park with someone so I won't be alone in this house. Here's Hoping Someday I Will Get My Best Friend!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Pushing People Back

Its funny how life can spin you around. I have said time and again how I hate to be alone. It truly is a fear of mine, maybe because it is hard to sit with myself day after day or watch others happy with friends or their lovers. Regardless, I find myself being counterproductive. I push people away, mainly to save them. I push away people I love and care about because I fear they will never love me back or shouldn't have to deal with me. Underneath the smile is a girl who has deep scars and no one worth salt would probably want to deal with or help with that. I have a few people in my life who stick around and even then I try not to put too much on them, its not fair to them...yet there are plenty of people who walk straight out of my life which hurts me more then anything.

I have sat in this bed with little to do besides think and I have thought both the good and the bad. I guess I wished I would stop falling for people who end up hurting me or think very little of me. I am so use to that game though that I look for little else. It is funny how being single can not only liberate, but scare you. I have had so much fun and done what I please, but the thought of a relationship almost scares me. There is a fear of getting caught in the same trap I have been in before, another failure or painful place. How am I suppose to believe I can factor more from a relationship other then lies, needs, and scars. Not one person has truly made me think that there could be something else out there, someone who cares enough about me as I care about them. (That is a lie, there is one person, but....that is another story that I am still unsure of.) Everyone else has really left me with a lack of confidence in myself or the whole idea of love. How can I believe I am worth more then I am given? How can I believe there is happiness and peace out there for me when all I have been apart of is flimsy use and stupid lies? I guess I push away people because I am trying to protect myself, keep myself safe from the heartbreak and the use. I just want someone to look at me and instead of seeing the scars and running away they realize I am a fighter. I want someone who calls just to talk or comes to see me because they want to and miss me. Is it too much to ask for someone to want me, silly old stupid me, for all that I am and have to offer? Or maybe I'm not worth more then a text or the occasional call beyond a need. Here's hoping someone will change my mind on that!

Friday, June 22, 2012


Oh Disney how you have steered me
Ok so I was raised among the best Disney movies if I say so myself. I mean there were so many amazing Disney movies the came before my generation, but you can't deny the amazingness of The Lion King. Any who I realize that most Disney movies relay some lies such as happy endings, prince charmings, oh and dreams can come true. Don't get me wrong these are beautiful stories that I still get lost in even at 21, but I can't deny that life is far from a fairy tale. Things don't always work out and life sadly is hard. There is no fairy godmother to grant your wishes and make dreams come true, honestly that's on you. If you are not happy with something it is up to you to change it. Great advice given by a true hypocrite, but the message is still right and true.

I am still trying to make my life my own and live each day for what it is. Everyday is a challenge with all the outer and inner turmoil going on, but I still get up every morning and do it again. There is something about the Disney stories that children and adults a like get lost in and I think it is the beautiful ending. My life might not have a happy ending at the end of the day, but these characters triumph over evil villains and live happily ever after. In the end that's what we all want, we all want to make it through the day and have that victory at the end, the happiness that makes the day to day stuff worth while...even if it doesn't always happen. We each have our own personal goal or dream...mine: true love wouldn't be at all I guess one day I will find it, but it won't happen like the movies I'm sure. I have yet to meet a prince charming that sweeps me off my feet, at the very least a guy who cares enough about me not to hurt/ use me. Yet, like I said before maybe that's on me. I am taking on life and I have set backs with everything, but I am trying to move forwards and make things better. Work on the things I don't like and be happy with what I have. I'm no Cinderella and my Prince ain't coming so I might as well smile and go about my day. That being said I will always be a die hard Disney fan and though they may have me dreaming about things that will never come true it is still a nice get away from the craziness around me.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Make-up and Me

So I have never been a truly girly girl. I never was the one to pick up make-up or talk about smackers lip gloss during recess, instead I was the tomboy who wanted to play soccer with the guys instead. In a way I haven't really grown out of that because I still run with the boys and to be honest I prefer it most of the time. With that being said I never really wore make-up unless it was for a dance recital and my mom typically put it on making sure my lips and eyes stood out on stage. This changed as I got older in terms of covering pimples and under eye circles with concealer. Now I have gotten a little more comfortable with make-up but not much. This year started out like most where make-up was on of the last things that came to mind in my morning routine. I was basically all natural until I had a discussion with a guy friend and I guess I changed my tune. I started wearing make-up to I guess attracted people's attention to my eyes and just give my face color.

Currently, I guess I am finally finding the perks of make-up. Yes, I still am putting on stage make-up and dancing my heart out, but I guess I am finding my way into using it on a daily basis. I am trying to get better at putting it on, but I really don't know what I am doing...thanks to some awesome friends though I have gained some knowledge and some new make-up. I don't think that make-up is the number one priority and makes a girl that much better, yet its fun and a great way to make you blend or stand out. I have a great heart and personality...make-up just helps me feel pretty :)

That being said if you know how to do make-up or have tips hit me up because I am struggling to figure it out lol. I would love to be someones blank canvas or at least have some lessons. Here's hoping I figure it out soon so I don't look like a

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Never Show Your Tears

"And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm, in this condition
And I've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry"

Before we get started let me caution this with saying I'm not trying to make this a sad or upsetting post...just had an experience I wanted to share.

Its funny how music always seems to tie to life. Its the poetry that can speak for a moment better then our own words at times. I had a moment where this was more true then I can even explain. The other night I had one of the most honest and serious conversations with a friend about defining our relationship...meaning what was going on between us. As we talked and had long, epic pauses this song played. I never heard it before this night but listening to every word I couldn't relate more to this song in this moment. I'm literally sitting in a car parked in front of my house listen to the lyrics of this song while a friend basically is considering walking away from me. Mind you his reason was to save my heart from getting hurt and toyed with, but regardless the idea cut so deep. I have watched people come and go unsure of what I did that made them leave. It is the most painful thing to watch someone you have trusted and cared about walk out on you as if you mean nothing. This year I feel like I basically watched one of my other friends do the same and I have come to terms with that, he wasn't worth it. Yet, having gone through this many times before has made me cautious about sharing and trusting people. I will fight for people and be there regardless, I know this is true because regardless of how I am treated I follow through. This song came to life this night for me for this reason and hit on this fear of being walked out on and left hurt like I have so many times before.

As for the title it comes close to the last line of the lyrics posted. No matter what happens or how you make me feel I won't cry in front of you. I have emotions, but some people shouldn't see them or deserve to see them. I know that this past year I cried more then I ever wanted to and regretted it more then I can explain. I hate showing tears and letting people affect me that way. To me it is a sign of weakness, maybe the leftover feeling reinforced by my dad ("What are you crying about? Too emotional"). I'm strong and I refuse to let certain people realize they have that power over me any more. If you don't care enough about me to stay in my life you don't deserve tears let alone a piece of my heart. Call it cold, but maybe to survive you have to be a little cold otherwise you will get thrown around, used, abused in every way possible. In the end all you have is you so you better be strong enough to keep going alone. 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Out of Style

So I am cleaning my room and really going through my closet and I realize I have clothes that I keep that I don't really wear any more. The main reason they stay around is sentimental attachment, the memories or the idea that I will wear it again. I have no room for this in my closet or in my life. I have talked about letting go when it comes to people for forever now and clothes is not the same, but I know I can do it. I have had enough. I tossed so much that just wasn't worth keeping because I have so much stuff that I actually wear and use on the daily it seems pointless to keep what is just laying/hanging there. It just reminded me of life in that once you leave home you take things you are going to miss and try and keep things you like close. As you grow and change so does your style and who is in your life. Sometimes you have to clean out the closet and get fresh air.

I'm not saying I'm going to pitch him away or anyone for that matter, but I am not running after anyone either. If they want me they know where to find me.

As for clothes and cleaning the room is slowly evolving in my free time. There is progress, but I have a lot to clean and get rid of. At this point if I don't really use it, it is probably gone. Same thing goes with my life. Its like a late spring cleaning! LOL I collect so much random stuff and that in itself collects dust and dirt...lets just say its time for it all to go. This stuff is not my style, I am too old for it, or it is useless to have, regardless I have goals and this stuff has to go. My goal? A desk. Yes I want a legit desk in my room to put my school supplies in and on, a place for my computer and printer, and just an all around place for me to work on things.
So here's hoping I can see this goal come to light this summer!

Let Summer Begin!

Here's To Summer and all the craziness that I expect to go with it! lol

Welcome Home! Came back last Wednesday and things have been up and down. I am not fully complaining, but home isn't always what you remember it being. When you are away from something for so long you often miss the good things. In this case I missed my family, good food, a couple of friends...then you show up and things are not as nice as you remember them being. I know my family is on rocky times, but I got two months and I really don't want to deal with it. Somethings I understand and will help with anyway I can...yet my sister is a whole different problem that I don't even want to look at. I love my sister I truly do even if she doesn't believe it, yet some of the things coming out of her mouth make me want to slap her silly. But like I said: Not my problem.

On the brighter side I have been trying to stay busy and get out more. I of course went to visit one of my close guy friends the moment I got back because I did miss him (even though I ain't suppose to say that cuz he weird). I got to visit my grandma, go shopping, and even catch up with my friend Blair who I haven't seen in 3 years. I realize talking to him how much I have grown and how I really am coming into myself this last year: both the good and the bad. I dropped the bad and am watching myself to make sure it doesn't get bad. As for the good I am just doing things that I enjoy and making adventures for myself regardless because that's what I want. I truly want to evolve and grow this summer. I want to spend my time around friends that I love, traveling, doing things I haven't, and helping my family. I seem to always have these goals, but accomplishing a lot of my mini goals this year really has me thinking I can make this happen :)'s hoping I have more crazy stories and adventures this summer then all those before. If you want to be a part of it hit me up and we can make it happen, otherwise I will keep you