Thursday, June 16, 2011
Today in Science: Heart is a Confusing Thing
Problem: You have no idea how weird my situation is...not terrible but confusing. I get caught in between the good and bad with this person and every time I just want to let him go I find it almost impossible, something pulls me back to him. It's stupid and crazy, but I get caught up in the moments we have together. I am better then this and I give advice on this type of stuff...but for some reason I am just irrational. Those big brown eyes catch me and I buy what he is selling...which ain't much considering he seems to be avoiding dating me, and he caught up at the moment. I know I'm stupid...but considering my past I think it make sense...lol.
Solution: I guess the best way to handle this is to let him go, just walk away. IDK if I can do that, but it does sound good right?
Truth: I guess I'm too stubborn for my own good. I'm afraid of giving up and finding myself in a "what if situation"...I hate those situations. I want to live life without regrets if I can help it. Yet, I guess one of my close friends put it best "make sure you are your 1st priority!" That's a weird concept for me, I figure when I look back at my life so far I never really fought for myself as much as I should've...I wanted to make other people happy. I wanted to be mommy and fix other people's problems, conform to their needs and wants. It wasn't till college that I started figuring out what I wanted, who I wanted to be. I fought for people all my life, fought for recognition and even in moments like this I am still fighting. I am fighting for this boy to pay attention to what is right in front of him, me....why should I keep fighting? YouTube: Never Ever
New Observation: What am I really doing here? Waiting for a boy for 3 years to notice me, to date me...that's a laugh I guess cuz after 3 years I think anyone reasonable enough whould've seen it as a lost cause...not me, cuz as we discovered earlier I am not reasonable...lol. Regardless, I deserve better then this, I know I have a great heart and a great personality to back it up. I am not perfect, but I know that I got a lot to like about me, yet he don't see it. It's a shame really, but what can I do?...Nothing. I think the hardest thought for me is that if I let go there won't be anyone else (my deepest fear). It sucks being THAT girl, I want more then that, but I don't want to be alone...confusion :/