I Open at the Close

That Awkward Moment when you realize that as ready as you are to start the new year your scared of the future.

I mean you can't blame a girl right? This is a start of a new year in a couple days. People gather among family and friends, watch a ball drop, drink, kiss, or just make some noise to ring in a new year at midnight. In that moment everything is suppose to change, your world starts over, your ledger is wiped clean in an instant and its your choice to decide what you will do in the coming year. Will you change for the better? Will you take a new path? Accomplish a new goal? Or will you just push on with the same old song? So many choices and decisions...funny how on New Years we see them all.

Ahead of me I see goals and dreams I want to set into motion like working out more and loosing more weight, choreographing a piece or two, take an art class , and just enjoy the last year I have here among my friends the best way I know how. But even though I see the beginning of something great, my last who rah with everyone, there is a lingering sense of fear, maybe more so nerves. I'm nervous about the close of this chapter and the start of a new. I have a realm of the unknown waiting for me after graduation which is both exciting and nerve recking. I am free to choose my own path and my own future, figuring out where I might end up and who might be with me. Yet, there is trepidation in the fact that I don't know if I will choose the right path, find the right home, and find my way in a place I have never found myself before. There is comfort in knowing most of my friends are on the same path, but we are all on our own in the end. I have confidence in that I have done well, so I can do well, I can be a good teacher, but will someone else see that I am not sure. I know that I want to be fearless this year and just be as gutsy as I can be, fight for my independence and break away if I can. I want to go places and meet people, heck this girl might even fall in love...but no matter what happens I just want to live. I always try to live life with no regrets. That means fighting for what I believe in, who I believe in, doing things that are new, different, fun, following my heart, and just being me. I will stumble and fall and make a fool of myself, but I won't regret it. No matter the consequences, good or bad, I will have learned and lived something that I hadn't before. Here's Hoping you Live this year too!