Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Serenity Falling

When all else fails pray for serenity.

We can't win every battle and some of us can't win any, but truth be told the fighting is what makes us truly powerful. I recently felt like I have been fighting a loosing battle with life and what it decides to throw at me. I am blessed in ways, but been thrown to the sharks in others. In a funny way I am doing better, but better is still not fulfilling any sort of stability in my life. Maybe I am looking in the wrong places or hanging with the wrong people, but I am finding myself questioning friendships and choices I never found reason to before. Life has been playing ball with me for years, throwing curve balls when you least expect them and watching me work so hard just to strike out. I just question when my work will really matter, when all this good will be given a fair fight, a fair chance. I'm not sure when or where life will give me a chance, but until then I am Serenity Falling.
What does this mean? Well me having faith and knowing the serenity prayer that asks for wisdom to know the difference between what I can and can't change in my life is falling. This guidance and belief that serenity calms me is disappearing with the constant acceptance of striking out, of loosing people, of lack of trust. I'm not going to sit here and say that I have no good moments, truth is that I am blessed to have moments I would never take back, but at the same time I am struggling with accepting the same things constantly. That constant acceptance and idea of serenity with these things is making me jaded and numb. When you don't see anyway out or any change over time is there really going to be much hope of it getting better? My serenity is falling away in certain areas of my life. When you have dealt with so much bad, where is the good? Mind you this fall is not affecting the other layers, the parts of me that I strive to improve everyday and the people that I am blessed to call true friends and family. I am still a passionate person who is dancing her heart out and keeping her nose in the books. Yet, there is this feeling of peace being overshadowed that just gets to me time and time again. Here's Hoping Serenity stays around a little longer!

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