Saturday, January 5, 2013

I'm Stubborn

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So after having an amazing lunch with my brother and an awesome friend I feel kinda off. I mean it was a really good talk and it made me think a lot about life and myself. I guess its just the feeling that has always bugged me...I mean the idea of being good enough for someone or just finding a person in general. What I basically got out of this conversation was that Mr. Right is out there some where and if your lucky you might find him right under your nose. I think my problem is that I keep looking, that and apparently I don't get out I mean I'm social I just don't always have the push to go at it alone.

The other thing that has me thinking is that I am easy to read. I mean to say that if I like you, you know it. I'm not really a hard to get type of girl. I give until it hurts and ask for nothing in return but time. I guess this makes me easy: easy to walk past, easy to use, and easy to hurt. I am one thing besides easy though, I am stubborn. I'm not use to boys chivalry because I am too busy proving to them that I am just as tough, just as strong, and I can do anything that they can. I am so stubborn when it comes to my strength and my feelings. Sometimes I say things I don't mean like "It's fine." because I'm so concerned about looking weak if I say it hurt or no I'm angry. Heck I am so stubborn when it comes to boys, some would even say blind. I don't give up on people and I don't give up on hope, like the hope of something more. I have been known to ask about how someone feels about me and in that moment that they say I am a really great friend all I want to do is cry, but I hold my ground and smile and say ok cool. Its hard to trust people and let people in and watch that hope fall through the cracks. I can love somebody with all my heart, and I have and I would, but it doesn't mean they will love me back. Today I guess I just questioned my approach. Maybe I am too nice or give too much. Maybe I fall for the wrong ones or have too much hope. But that's me and as hard as it is to deal with I wouldn't change it. I love my heart and I love making people happy. Whether it is a friends birthday or grandmas Christmas gift I love seeing their faces smiling because of something I did or said. I figure I will get stepped on and used till the end. It will hurt and kill me but I'm a giver and a lover and fighter all wrapped in one. You better be certain that I will fight for what I love no matter what because I am stubborn and when I trust you and give my heart to you as a friend or more that love is real to me and worth fighting for. Here's Hoping I find someone who is willing to fight for me!

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