Monday, December 5, 2011

Moving Forward

I admit I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I just know that I have a good heart and personality. With that being said I have had to deal with a lot this past term. In return I have had the good sense to think some things out and relax this winter break. So far I have come to some conclusions. One being that there are definitely a number of people in my life who don't really need to be there. I say this because after examining some things I feel like those people pretend to be close, but if they were really they would value the friendship a little more then they do. I also guess I have a terrible sense of bad luck because I can't seem to find true happiness for very long...I always find a way to screw it up. Lastly, I think the most amazing thing that I have found out about myself is that I am stronger then I appear. Yes, this past term I fell deep on weakness, but it took quite some time for me to break my strength. If I was truly weak I would've fallen a long time ago, but I remained strong. I admit I have done a lot of things I am not proud of, but at the time they seemed like the best ideas. Many of my decisions have been made out of love or pain, not the best idea acting on emotion yet it seemed to give my decisions more creditability. I've long been known as a romantic or sorts, I follow my heart more then my head. It has gotten me into trouble a time or two, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My heart's desire, my hearts choice is what allows my conscious to be clear at night and for me to have little regret.

Now its time for me to make some hard choices in how I am going to deal with things. For one I have to find peace in some way. This can be found a number a ways and for me the main two are going to be talking to people and being my artsy self. Call it Art Therapy, but I am back to writing and drawing again. In the moments I am working on a piece I am focused, thinking only of my work and away from the crazy pain I struggle with sometimes. It calms me and in the end I have something I am proud of. I need to separate myself from the people I can't trust and surround myself with those I can. Life isn't easy, but I find time is best spent around those who matter.

*Note for those who matter: I often look to you for help and talk you ear off sometimes, but you know I am there for you the same way if you need me. I regret sometimes if I bug you, but I promise its out of love. I want you to understand that I truly appreciate you and all that you do. You lift my spirit and pull me out of my house. You make me recognize what I lack to see in myself. Thank you for being there, thank you for your honesty, thank you for your trust, It means the world to me.

In closing there is a shift being made in me, a new stronger me is rising so watch out. I'm not running, I'm gonna stand and fight. I am worth it and if you don't think so there is the door. I'm putting this to rest in this post, I am moving forward with those I trust into the future I create.

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